Slut vs Virgin
by Shakabuku
Summary: You know I'm always fighting this battle in my head, we all fight it and it comes down to one basic question what do you want? But maybe what I want isn't what she is, even if I want her. I dunno, but to figure it out I'm keepin score.
1. Prologue

I'm a healthy 23 year old Canadian ex-boybander turned producer. If that doesn't scream life experience I don't know what does. Yea sure some 83 year old gramps may say I don't got a clue but he probably never traveled farther than 30 miles from his childhood home. Not that there's anything wrong with that, I'm just trying to express that I'm not naive. I've seen a lot in my 23 years, experienced a lot. You take the good with the bad, the 10 shots of tequila with the hangover and you sure as hell take the awkward morning wake up after your latest one night stand. You see like I said before, my fair share of life experiences. And it's with all these experiences that I've come to the conclusion that the girl who's name I can't remember when I wake up the morning after is not the same girl I'm taking home to my mother.

Really it's a worn out complex if you think about it, it's the whole slut vs. virgin thing. I'm no scholar, grade 8 never even heard of me in fact, but supposedly it's some hot topic in literature classes and the such. Now I can't quote the Great Gatsby and the whole Myrtle vs. Daisy thing, that's more of a Sadie rant. But I can quote music. In my opinion they're sub par lyrics meant only to entrance the public while the next faceless rapper is being de-virginified by his first bullet to the chest, but they serve their purpose for showing the average mind set of a guy, "I want a lady in the street and a freak in the bed." As I said not the best but it does have a pretty solid beat to it and it's good to grind on a girl with. But my thing is that a girl can't be both . . . or can she? Better yet am I still the same guy who only wants the never ending sexcapades or do I want the family dinner with Mom? Maybe I want both but as the cliché states, "You can't have your cake and eat it too."

And as if on cue she enters. I look her up and down, then look her in the eyes and I can't help but wonder. Maybe I can have it both ways . . . .


	2. Ahh Sexual Harrasment

She comes stumbling into the studio late and it looks like she had a rough night considering the sweatshirt she's wearing is definitely channeling Flash Dance. There are a few scenes from that movie I wouldn't mind having her reenact. I'll have to save those thoughts for later when she's not around. Strike that when no one's around.

You would think that by now the girl would understand the premiss behind being on time for work. Come on it's been like what 3 years. That's right she's a woman now, actually I'm not completely sure about that one but she is over 18. Yes that does make her legal which also makes my occasional fantasies legal too.

She takes a seat next to me and I can't help myself. "Unless you're taking your bra off circa 80's Flash Dance you better have one hell of an excuse for being late." The playful look on her face and wiggle of her eye brow makes me wanna run and lock the studio door. "You know Quincy I would've thought you'd much rather have me do the whole 'drench myself in my sexy lingerie' scene instead." Actually that is the scene I'd prefer but you've already got the sweatshirt, not only that I wouldn't exactly mind seeing what bra size she is. I'm guessin an A, maybe a B . . .

My thoughts stay in the gutter until I feel the back of her hand make contact with the back of my head. Hmmm who knew she liked it rough. As I'm grinning her verbal onslaught begins, "Whatever part of the female anatomy you're concentrating on, stop." Damn there goes a little bit of my hope for a sexpot Jude Harrison. Point one for the virginal side.

"I especially don't feel like needing to remind you where my eyes are, again." Her deep blues how could I ever forget them? I smirk at her and cheekily respond, "After the alleged sexual harassment last month, I think not."

Oh she's laughing, I guess she thinks I'm quite the comedian. Too bad my last statement is semi true. You see Jude and I were harmlessly playing around, one thing led to another and we may have ended up in a somewhat of a compromising position with her straddling me on the floor. I almost forgot she was on top. Point one for the slut. But anyway Darius and Liam come in and of course Miss Goodie Goodie ( point 2 for virgin) blames it on me.

Liam goes on and on about proper business etiquette or some crap. I basically shut him out while I stare at Jude who was still partially up against my body on the floor. Now that I rethink what I just thought it sounds kinda dirty. The only time I perked up (oh again dirty) was when Cambridge boy brought up the whole sexual harassment thing. She busted out laughing but I didn't.

Why is it automatically assumed I'm the bad guy in the situation. She was the one straddling me. I could go off a whole new philosophical thing again, but Jude's trying to get my attention. "Yeah I'm here." She looks at me amused.

It's just another day at G Major through the eyes of me, Tom Quincy.

OK that is chapter 1. I hope you all enjoyed. Tell me what you think and trust me you will be rewarded


	3. This is gunna be fun

Chapter 3: Oh this is gunna be fun . . . . XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

I have contained myself for nearly three hours. Now if that isn't self control I don't know what is. Her song's incredible, there's no denying it. There were some issues with the hook but hey that's what I'm here for and it stopped me from starring at her mouth, which is never a good thing. I mean come on you stare, your mind wanders, then suddenly you're making a top ten list of the things she could do with said mouth and tongue. Oh can't forget the tongue. That's one list I'll have to share with her some day. Maybe the next time she asks me what I want for Christmas. No that'd be wrong to ask for sexual favors on God's birthday . . . but mine on the other hand . . . .

"Oh the possibilities." Shit maybe she didn't hear me. "I thought you said it was fine." Of course she heard you, you moron you spoke out loud. "You are fine." Damn think before you speak. "I mean it's fine, what you're doing is fine." "You sure it wasn't the other one Quincy, cause flattery will get you everywhere," she responds quite suggestively, to my great pleasure. "Well right now there's no where I'd rather be." Despite the fact that, that is true even I think it's more than a little too sweet. But not as sweet as that smile on her face in response to what I said, maybe it was the right reply. I feel the sides of my mouth tugging into a smile, dammit I'm too cool for this. I'm too old for this. If anything I should be smiling about finishing my sentence in my head. Right now there's no where else I'd rather be although I could think of a few things I'd rather be doing.

Ha! That's right that's the Tommy I know and love. So I've been thinking (haha yes, I'm always thinking) if the situation ever arose and I had an opportunity with Jude where would we go? I need to know these things. I like to always be prepared, just like a boy scout. But anyway I was seriously considering what could happen if Jude just one day walked in all "I can't control myself" or "Pour some sugar on me" though we couldn't go to hospitality aka the kitchen for sugar, too much PDA I'd think.

Again back to what I was thinking, Jude a little more ok a lot more "Cherry Pie" and you think I'd rush to my office and that'd be that well not that quick trust me, but oh no D didn't put a door on my office. He was probably thinking ahead. Anyway then I thought hey studio, but they're always in use and have these huge glass see through walls. Again D's out to permanently cock block me, but I will come out victorious for although it can't be my office, the kitchen, any studio or the lounge there is one room that dead bolts from the inside and has no opaque surfaces that make up it's 4 walls. And that my friends is Darius' office. So D there you go if I ever get the chance I will be doing Jude in your office!

Hmmm she's working so diligently, I feel like stirring up some trouble. Maybe I'll be able to get some points racked up on my little slut virgin score card. Let the games begin. "Jude why don't we slack off for a little." "Like I can go get food or make a call?" Can't wait to get away from me already, just wait. "I was thinking more of a we continue to look like we're working but instead we're actually getting to uh know each other better."

"Nothing wrong with getting a little more intimate with Tommy Q." Does everything she say have to in some way shape or form relate back to sex? I don't think she means to, or maybe she does . . . . "Nothing at all wrong with getting a little more intimate Harrison." Or physical. Oh this is gunna be fun.

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	4. There Goes The Socratic Method

Chapter 3: There Goes the Socratic Method 

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So I wonder do I automatically hit her with the hard stuff or do I go all Socratic method on her. See I may only be a Kindergarten graduate, but I do know the Socratic method. And no I did not learn about "So-Crates" from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, though it is quite the movie to watch. But back to Socratic method, do I start off easy then get harder or do I just go straight for the juicy stuff? If I do that I might scare her though. Oh how to start, how to start this . . . 

"Are you just gunna leave me hangin Quincy?" Someone's a little more than impatient now aren't they. "Hold your horses Harrison." She's got that goofy playful look on her face, I know I've got some sarcastic remark coming my way. "Wow you almost made yourself an alliteration there ." "Well I am a songwriter. Now one of us will ask a question the other answers and then keep going back and forth." She looks like she's debating this. What's there to debate? You know you wanna have my asking you incredibly prying personal questions.

"I guess that'll be fine, but personally I'd much rather play 'I Never'." She just winked at me. Oh hell break out the shot glasses and I'll grab us some Svedka, that's Swedish vodka just so you know. "I'd say let's hit up my office but alas I just took my bottle of vodka home last night." "Too bad maybe tomorrow night then."

Quite flirtatious this evening Miss Harrison, all your suggestive-ness earns point 3 is it, for the slut while virgin's still at what 2. I think so and if not oh well cause I like the idea of Jude as a slut even though she's not. Maybe I should have further thought about the names, maybe something more like sex pot or nympho. Time to dwell for a moment on the idea of Jude as a closet nympho. I could have so much fun with that. But back to my categories they may be a little off but it's the basic idea and they just contrast so well, ya know?

"Now that tomorrow night's plans are made let's start this procrastination." I smirk and stall, "Ladies first." I see her contemplate for not even 30 seconds before saying, "Where are you from?" She's either going all Socratic on me too or she just literally wants to know about me. If it's the later the virgin's getting a point even if I happen to think it's really sweet. "Quebec." How she accepts that answer is pretty entertaining cause she looks as though I just confirmed her suspicions. If I was her I'd have a hell of a lot of suspicions when it came to me. I mean come on she's so appropriately labeled me 'a riddle wrapped in an enigma.' "Figured as much, now you ask me." I told you, did I not tell you? I know on occasion I've down right scared myself with my intuitiveness.

"Have you ever broken a bone?" That question was just pathetic. Why'd I even waste my breath on it? "Once when I was 5, I broke my arm when I fell off the jungle gym." I just nod my head, how else are you supposed to respond to that? "Do you have any brothers or sisters?" Are you kidding me? I can't believe after all this time I've never told her about my family. Looking at her eager face I realize I haven't. Now that's pathetic. I know so much more about her than she does about me, that's wrong. "No, I'm an only child." "Good cause if you had been holding out on a younger Quincy boy there'd be some hell to pay." So my brother would have been good enough for her, but me I'm just nothing. Nice Harrison, real nice. 

That's it no more Mr. Nice Guy, "How many guys have you kissed?" She's looking at me funny. Probably cause she knows that this question will only annoy or anger me, no matter what the answer is. "7" She counts on her fingers muttering my guess names to herself. "Yeah 7." Who the hell are these 7 guys! # 1 me and yes I am # 1, why even question it? 2 Shay, 3 Jamie, 4 Speed, 5 Mason. But who are the other 2?

And now I have no more time to think cause she's already asking another question, "When did you lose your virginity?" Oh so now she's assuming you lost it. Please half of Canada knows for a fact you have, your slut points demolish your virgin points. Although since you've met her your virgin points have increased dramatically cause although I've thought of every possible thing you could do to her body, you have yet to actually do anything. Oh right I need to answer her. "16" She just made a not so happy face. "I was only a few months shy of 16 when I had my first kiss."

Though I haven't forgotten about that I have tried to block that from my memory. Damn a point goes to the virgin for that one. By the time she was inserting her tongue in other mouths I was inserting another part of my anatomy into females. "You were waiting for the right person." She just shrugs, I guess that's not exactly helpful. This is a little to PG 13 for me right now.

"So what's your craziest fantasy?" Her eyes just got a lot wider after that one. It's about time things got interesting. "Like as in sexual fantasy?" No I meant cooking fantasy, of course sexual fantasy. "Yeah" "I don't wanna give you any ideas Quincy." Trust me if it's physically possible I've thought of it. "There's never any ideas floatin around in my head." Those lies they just roll off the tongue so easily.

"Fine. Me and someone in the school parking lot during lunch, in the Viper. But do not go assuming that that person is you Tom." Why did I stop driving that car? And of course I'm gunna assume it's me. Who else owns a Viper? Jeez of all the places, of all my cars. It's so damn small. Why couldn't she choose like the Hummer. That has so much more room. "That'd be one cramped space." She 's getting that far off look on her face. "Yeah but that means right on top of each other and if one person was teasing the other, they couldn't do a damn thing, no space. It'd drive me crazy in the greatest possible way." Point for slut, that makes it 4!

That's the stuff I wanna hear! I like that she's thinking about so much four play, it's hot. Oh she's blushing, someone just realized what she saw saying. This is a lot of fun . . . .


	5. Sex, Drugs & RocknRoll

Chapter 5: Sex, Drugs & Rock-n-Roll 

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"What ever happened to that sugary sweet 15 year old I once knew?" "I was never sugary sweet and as for the 15 year old, she grew up." And not that I haven't noticed, trust me. And as for being sweet, I think she'd taste pretty damn sweet. But I can't exactly say any of that to her so I'll settle for this, "I believe it's your turn to ask." Yeah I'm a coward, no getting around it. I can't just tell her what really goes on in my mind. But at least I'll always be able to hide behind the excuse of being a gentleman. 

"How many sexual partners have you had?" Oh please what is she trying to find out, if I'm a walking STD? "Does that only involve intercourse or random other actions also?" You seriously couldn't just say hand job or something like that? You're more of a coward than I thought. "I'm gunna say just intercourse and pray that, that makes it a lower number."

Ok it's time for a pathetic slut moment with Tom Quincy. You see I don't exactly know the real number. I'm not doing much to help my character now am I? I'm gunna have to give her an estimate. She's not gunna be happy though. I wonder if she keeps score in her head too, I mean it is a complex older than time slut , virgin, slut, virgin? If she does this is so earning me some more slut points.

"That many Quincy?" She says this jokingly, but don't think I don't hear the pain in her voice. Aww and she's smiling too. As soon as I open my mouth she's gunna stop and damn she looks so cute when she smiles. But when she smirks and bites down on her bottom lip, that's just hot, especially when she has that mischievous twinkle in her eye. Add some coy remark to that and dear god she could have me right there. Actually she could have me with just a blank gaze. Yeah I'm easy, sue me. Stop Quincy. Answer the damn question.

"I'd say roughly anywhere from 100 to 150. Maybe more." You know those funny cartoons where the mouths form an "O" shape and the eyes are all bugged out. Yeah well that's Jude right now. Damn now I feel bad cause like I was upset about her kissing 7 guys, one of which was me. Maybe this game wasn't such a good idea after all.

"Look I was young, they were groupies." Trying to save myself here. It's not working, she's shaking her head. "Tommy you're only 25. You are young." I resent that. I am a musician, I am aged beyond my years. And I'm gunna tell her that. "I am a musician, I'm aged beyond my years." She just scoffs. "As in you have an old soul not a constant hard on." Oh yeah I've struck a nerve. "Come on Jude, you know sex, drugs and rock & roll."

"Me rock star, you ex- boybander." Harsh much? And not even proper English. She's got quite the bite to her, but she's hot when she's annoyed or are we on the verge of anger? I can't tell. I sure hope not cause I am so not in the mood for angry Jude, she's violent. And really really enjoys throwing things, particularly important things like my car keys for instance.

I accidentally forget to pick her up from school one day and then maybe I yelled at her a little for being late and not calling, even though my phone was shut off. Then suddenly she's screaming at me and my keys wind up in the alley behind G Major in the snow. Granted she did have to walk here in the same snow and I had again accidentally missed her show the night before due to well one of my 150. But come on my keys!

Then she expected me to drive her home. I don't know what she was smokin. Crap, back to the game. "I believe it's this boybander's turn to question." Oh I see the corners of her lips tugging into a smile and I can see her resolve slipping. You gotta give some to get some, ya know? Oh that was dirty without being intentional, but it does work both ways. "Anything you say Little Tommy Q." She did not. "Damn straight pop star." Don't dish out what you can't take or something along those lines. "Just shut up and ask."

Demanding now aren't we? "What's the worst thing you've ever done when you were angry?" She looks mildly perplexed, I guess she wasn't expecting that. Well HA, expect the unexpected when it comes to Tom Quincy ladies and gentlemen. "To myself or someone else?" Should I be afraid? "Both." She just nods.

"The worst thing I did to myself would have to be either getting trashed or smashing my guitar against a wall." I always wondered what happened to the acoustic I gave her. When did that thing disappear again? That's right, right after my impromptu vacation right before her 18th birthday. I was only gone a week and I had semi cleared it with Darius. And come on who remembers their phone charger when they go on vacation? Yes I do realize I sound like a jackass. But I was back before her birthday and I got her a great gift.

"And to someone else? I dunno you tell me. I've done some pretty rash things to you in the heat of the moment." I wish we were in the heat of the moment! And I'm not talking about the time she slapped me or pushed me into the jacuzzi. I can only dream of a real heated moment. And I probably will later on. "Never mind I don't wanna know. What I already know you're capable of scares me enough." Oh there's a genuine laugh out of her.


	6. Spit Take!

Chapter 5: Spit Take!

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"I'm not really that scary." "Girl you'd be surprised by the things you could do." Ok true I've left the angry scary side of Jude and gone back to sexual reference but can you really expect anything less from me? I didn't think so. Now it's her turn to ask me. I'm waiting in anticipation, holding in all that carbon dioxide I need to release to live. Damn this girl could kill me with a snap of her fingers. And no Tom Quincy does not exaggerate. My shoe size is an 18, like I said no exaggeration at all. (If you can't hint that subtle sarcasm just quit reading now cause you are hopeless and my mind can not waste it's time constantly explaining itself. I'm warped and I think of things like that so please just bear with it and me or as I said before give up)

Ok maybe a little. Maybe that's why Jude and I haven't hooked up, she knows the size of my feet. But in my defense not everything is as cut and dry as clichés try to make them out to be. And some 150 women and then some can testify to that. Anyway I'm about to die from not breathing when she finally speaks. Took her long enough. "Is it true you had a three some?"

Ok spit take anyone? I think a bloody hell is in order here. Bloody hell! Where did she hear that from? My poor character is just getting shot to hell right now. "I vaguely remember a drunken night in Amsterdam." Come on it's Amsterdam, capital of everything you're never supposed to do and then some. Please from hash brownies to hooker depots, you just gotta go with the flow. She's not saying anything. I'm about to ask her how she knows about that when she speaks. "I've always wanted to visit Amsterdam."

Spit take number 2! What is with all these things that are coming out of her mouth? I knew it could leave me speechless but this is just insane. Keep calm, be smooth Quincy. "Maybe I'll take you there if you're good Harrison." She's got that look, she's leaning forward. Oh god what's she doing? She's next to my ear, I feel her breathing against my neck. I also have this sudden urge to shudder. "Don't you mean if I'm a bad girl Quincy?"

Points for slut! Give them their damn points I tell you! NOW! Slut 7, Virgin 3! She's laughing now that she's pulled away. She's luring me in with her words, I gotta know what comes next! "Then maybe we an visit Rome, you know the Pope lives there in the Vatican." She's such a tease. You can't go from the sex and drug capital to the Holy Father's home. 2 points for the damn Virgin sadly enough, even though I don't think she's even a Catholic.

"We'll just travel all over Europe." "Oh you'll take me to France, will you?" I will take you anywhere, especially to the brink of an orgasm. God could you imagine if she was actually in my mind? She'd die, well first she'd be naked or extremely scantily clad. We'd both end up scarred for life. She for being subjected to my inner workings and me for losing her once she finally escaped my madness. "I believe it's your turn to shock and amaze me." "Don't I always?" "Only in my dreams." Oh so I'm in her dreams. Well let me tell you, reality is so much better. I can make you feel like you're on cloud 9.

"What girl would you hook up with?" Oh yeah I definitely shocked her with that one. "Excuse me?" "If you were to ever go all Madonna and Britney on a girl, which one would it be?" She looks afraid and contemplative at the same time. She should know by now I'm all about challenging her. "You're the biggest pervert." "I am not, I'm just trying to delve deeper into your psyche." She just shakes her head, guess she saw right through that excuse. Truth be told I'm scared to ask her the real question I wanna ask. So until I get the guts to I must still question randomly.

"Alexis Bledel," she states simply trying to move on. Come on she just told me the girl she'd kiss and she expects me not to say anything, that's so not my style. "The daughter in Gilmore Girls?" She nods her head. Ok yes I do know Gilmore Girls and if you wanna make fun of me be my guest, but remember to sleep with one eye open. I've seen it a few times, Jude and Mason always talk about it. I wonder about that kid sometimes. I also don't know if I trust him, I mean him and Jude are a little too close for comfort.

For awhile I wondered if they were having a friendship with some very specific benefits on the side. But I think if she ever had a secret forbidden romance with anyone it'd be me. How much more forbidden can you get than me and her? But yeah Mason needs to get laid, which makes me think about getting laid, which makes me think about Jude, which in turn brings me back to the present moment and Jude's little confession.

"Why her?" She shrugs her shoulders, "Sweet, cute, good actress and great taste in men." She has just ruined my scandalous, steamy, hot make out scene into something sweet and chaste. Its now not even hotter than the church kiss in The Wedding Singer. Virgin now at 6 and Slut 7. I don't know if she is good or bad. I wonder what she's got up her sleeve, cause after hitting her with that question there will be revenge, "So who would be your male Britney?"

I should have known she'd do that. Ok this answer in crucial. It must prove I only look at women and don't really pick hot guys, so she can't ever ask my opinion of some faceless dude she may be crushing on. If her pick says something about her mine must say something about me. It's gotta be a musician though, one I know she'd never go out with. Ok I think I got him, "Mason."

She's looking at me incredulously then begins cracking up. I mean hysterical, side splitting, if this doesn't stop in 24 hours contact the men with straight jackets and padded rooms. She is choking out bursts of laughter. She's even got tears rolling down her cheeks in cascades. I think this is making her cry even more than any of my stupid mistakes.

What is so freaking hilarious? She can't stop, she's like possessed or something and it's really freaking me out. "What's so funny?" I ask when she finally begins to quiet down which only sends her into another fit of side splitting laughter. Ok what the hell did I miss?


	7. Virgin Takes the Lead But

Chapter 6: Virgin Takes the Lead But the Devil's Up Her Sleeve 

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She can't stop laughing and it's really pissing me off. She definitely knows something I don't and no this is not me being paranoid. You ask me how I know, well I know cause I am not a paranoid person. Just because I think every other guy who talks to her really wants to jump her bones means nothing. I simply know how guys think. I mean look at the things I think and I actually care about the girl. Some random guy would just think of her as a piece of ass.

She's finally breathing semi-normally again, but the laughing hasn't completely stopped yet. This is really starting to get to me. Maybe because you really don't want her to think of you as stupid. Look at that, my problems are deeper than you think. I maybe superficial on occasion, ok basically 87.9 of all my hook ups well that and I was horny, and seriously why take care of something yourself when someone else is more than willing to do it for you, or in this case to you? What was I saying? Oh yeah, I maybe superficial on occasion but my wounds are far from it.

Why do I feel like that belongs on some preppy girl's profile or myspace or something? I digress, I need to shut her up. Oh the multitude of ways I can think of doing that . . . fantasies galore. Reminds me of Pussy Galore, you know the Bond girl, well one of the many at least. Damn those writers sure had a talent for dirty names. But I gotta say the new writers aren't so good. Come on Jax or Octo-Pussy? Which one is really more creative there? Sexually creative of course. Speaking of sexual creativity, I need to shut Jude up. I'm thinking my lips, but I'm also thinking I don't want a hand shaped bruise tomorrow. Dilemma, dilemma . . .

"Are you still a virgin?" I blurt out before I do something stupid like kiss her. But now that I think about it, it's still incredibly stupid and I may still end up with that bruise. Well the laughter died at least. I'm not sure if she's insulted or embarrassed or what. Maybe I really shouldn't have asked her that, but I will invoke the 5 year old defense and say she started it. She brought up sex not me. Anyway we're supposed to be sharing I thought. This silence is deafening. Damn I wish she'd do something yell, scream, cry, something.

"I've been waiting for this question for awhile now. I've thought about all the different scenarios of how this could go. But now that you're actually asking, I don't know how to respond." What the fuck! It's a yes or no answer. How can you not know if you're a virgin or not! That's like, that's like saying you don't know if you've had sex or not! Dammit that is the same thing. See I can't even think straight. Who could she have slept with? Oh god maybe that's it, she doesn't know how to break the news to me.

I did hear Liam moaning out Harrison a few days ago when I walked by his office, but I just assumed it was Sadie. He has been a lot nicer to Jude lately though. And she even got him and her coffee the other day. But no she always says the only reason she even listens to him when he talks is for his accent, she pays no attention to the actual words. That bastard, he seduced her with his accent! "You shouldn't lose your virginity to Liam!" I have a serious problem with speaking before I think, a huge problem.

She looks mad but relieved. Great, I'm right. She's relieved cause she doesn't have to actually say she's screwing Liam, cause I was right. And people, namely Kwest, think me and her is out of bounds cause I'm her producer. Liam's the friggin VP of her label! Well technically so am I, but really who am I really trying to kid? Liam's the friggin VP of her label! Her mother would be turning over in her bed with Don if she knew! Yeah who knew Don was in international law? Last Jude heard her "mom," and I use that term loosely, was in Germany. Ugh Europe which makes me think of Ireland and then of course god damn Liam with his god damn alluring accent.

"Well deny it or something," I respond frustrated. "Wrong Harrison you jackass. And it shouldn't matter who I lose MY virginity to cause it's not YOUR decision. When I lose it, I will be deciding, understand?" That last part wasn't really a question, more of a command. And right now I don't really know how to respond, part of me wants to yell right back, which can probably be chalked up to the whole "fine line between love and hate, passion is passion" thing, or jump for joy, cause she's still a virgin!

Damn she's still a virgin. Gotta give points where they're due: Virgin 15 Slut 7. I kinda always knew though didn't I? I know almost all the guys she's kissed, all the guys she's gone out with and she's not the type of girl who'd just randomly hook up. I'm smiling now and she's looking at me curiously, "Good to know."

Not exactly a good response, but that's all I can think right now,that, I'm happy. Maybe I do want the virgin. But the Virgin would wait till marriage, oh no. Here it comes, "You're not waiting till marriage are you?" I blurt out rather disdainfully before my foot fully inserts itself into my mouth. Think before you speak, what have you been told since you began to talk, think before you speak.

She's amused again, "Afraid you can't wait that long?" Yes! But wait, she's implying me. As in me having sex with her. Actually she's implying marriage too. Shut up! Let me bask in the glow of Jude inferred sex with me! Ok slut 8! Slut now at 8! "Who really believes in the institution of marriage anyway?" I say with a shrug of my shoulders. Her laughter comes out again, "I'll take that as a no." No girl take that as a hell no. And we're not even dating who says we'll get married? I feel that's a rather valid point so I ask, "Since when are we getting married?"

She shrugs her shoulders trying to be nonchalant but I see the blush in her cheeks. "I figure by the time I'm 35 and if I'm not married I'll marry either you or Kwest." How come I don't know about this? It'd be nice if people informed me that I'm going to be getting married. I wanna say something, anything about this, this concept, but she speaks before I can. "So that's your third question in a row. I believe it's time for some pay back."

Revenge a la Jude is never good.


	8. Simply Amsterdam Crazy

Chapter 7: Simply Amsterdam Crazy 

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She playfully pretended to be in deep contemplation as to what she was going to ask me. She even stroked (damn that's one sexual word) her imaginary beard. I could almost see Freud doing the same thing only adding a "Go slower, more deliberately." Damn again with the sexual words. There must be something in my brain that makes me act this way. Like an aneurysm located on the specific nerves that cause me to be the way I am.

Then again maybe I just need to get laid. This is why me and her would never work cause although she may have a bad streak she's not bad where as I only have a good streak. We're exact opposites in that sense and I couldn't risk doing that to her, I care about her too much. So I'm just gunna have to keep on keepin on.

"Has little Tommy ever had any issues getting all the way up on time?" I'm trying to be serious and she asks me that. More like insults me! "Excuse me?" She did not just ask me that. "Are you in need of the little blue pill or have you ever wished it had been created a few years earlier?" I'm in my mid 20's, I'm in the sexual prime of my life. Way to insult a guy. "No I am not a Viagra fiend, thank you." "Just making sure," she gets out between her laughs.

Oh crap she's already got another one, "This is not my question, it's about the rules." This game has rules? "Ok." "We can ask anything correct?" I think I've already proved that, but her saying that scares me. "Yeah." "Good now how much are you packing?" What was that? "Huh?" She says it word by word as if I'm dumb, "How - Much - Are - You - Packing ?"

I guess I still look dumbfounded cause then she goes, "How big is your di" I cut her off, "Ok ok I get the picture." That evil smile of hers is just killing me right now. "You could always just find out on your own." For good measure I wiggle my eye brows up and down. Here we come Darius' office! "I like to know the facts before I waste my time."

So now I could be wasting her time? Trust me I have never wasted any females time ever when it came to that. I'm highly insulted by all of this right now. I mean how can she ask me this question of all questions and actually ask it with a straight face? "That small huh? No wonder it's always only been one night stands."

Wait a second, she's actually insulting me now. I honestly never expected her to ask this, never in a million years. This is Jude for christ sake. This is like Mattel coming out with a hooker or stripper Barbie or something. But the fact that she's interested makes me happy though. I dunno but whatever it is it's constituting point 9 for the slut.

"As a girl in the states once said 'that has to be at least 7.5 inches'," I cockily respond. Ha now that's a funny sentence and I didn't even mean to. "If I remember correctly there's 12 of those inches to a foot and 3 feet to a meter, right?" I nod, but I'm really not sure. "So you're like 2/9 of a meter stick." I shrug my shoulders. Isn't this the girl who only got a 6 in Math? "And there's a hundred centimeters to a meter." This one I knows right, so I can nod with confidence. Not that she'd really notice her head's kinda somewhere else. "So you're about 22 centimeters."

Damn, "From now on you're figuring out the tip when we go out to eat." "Gotta love the metric system," she says with a smile, but I know her head's not here. Her head's down there and though god do I wish I meant literally, it's only figuratively. This just shows you what she's capable of when given the right topic.

Me I only know a few specific things in my life, none of which can really correlate to the educated man, but then again I've always considered myself more of a man of life. Like ask me what's the best chaser to a shot of vodka or what to mix it with, I'm there. Or better yet how to accommodate not only yourself but also a lovely member of the opposite sex in one of those incredibly small airplane bathrooms. So that you're able to initiate them into the mile high club.

Let me regale you with that one, while she's out of it cause even for my standards it's impressive. So one incredibly long flight to Europe, I think like 12 hours or something I dunno I can't really remember. Though I do remember my airborne activities. This cute little brunette from coach, a girl from the states going to back pack across Europe before her freshman year in college.

We stood outside that damn door forever and a decade before some guy finally came out. So I figured we should both share in our triumph. Hey she was looking for some life experience, that's exactly what I gave her. She was a gymnast and that is why if you ever find yourself in a similar situation get yourself a gymnast. They can bend in wonderful ways that accommodate the space and just make everything all around more pleasurable.

But after we departed I realized I had never actually used the facilities. So away I went to only once again be distracted from my purpose, because I shared my space once again, this time with a blonde stewardess. They are there to serve. Again though not as good as the brunette from the states, hence I always recommend a gymnast or at least someone really flexible. Damn that was a good flight. The more I think about it, the more I wanna take Jude to Europe.

2 girls in one flight, come on that's gotta be some sort of record or something. See really I'm a font of useful information. For instance drink Gatorade before any serious alcohol consumption and your hangover the next morning will be mild to none.

How about that despite what people say you don't get high the first time you smoke weed and in fact for some it takes a few times. Oh good ole Amsterdam. Like I said I'm a font of useful information. All the information Mommy and Daddy never wanted you to know.

Jude's coming around finally. That girl can get lost in her head seriously. "I've got a question but it also has a follow up," she informs me. I guess she doesn't care if I object anymore. "Have you ever had sex on a sound board?" She's being really suggestive right now. "Not yet," notice how I left that open, just incase. I wonder what could possibly be her, hold up she's coming towards me. What the hell is going on?

She's hovering above me with both of her arms situated on either side of me. She's breathing so incredibly close to my face. I repeat what the hell is going on. "Do you want to?" She huskily says to me. I can't function. She's too close. Is she seriously asking me to, with her, here! What! I need to breathe, in, out, in, out. Oh shit no that's too fast. I'm breathing too fast.

She's smiling wickedly she knows what she's doing to me. I need to breathe. That plan's shot to hell. Her lips are now right above mine. "Well do ya?" Nothing coherent. I know it. Only lips, lips, just her plain pouty lips, nothing more. No need for any additive, they're perfect the way they are. I mutter some sort of yes and right as I go to close the minimal space she moves. They barely graze hers when she stands up and says, "Than I'll go get Mason and see what he thinks." With that she walked out of the room mumbling something about revenge being sweet. And I'm just left sitting here thinking that whatever's going on I don't want to completely stop except the Mason part. Slut 11!


	9. Cruel & Unusual Punishment

Chapter 8: Cruel and Unusual Punishment 

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Hmmm a lot of things can happen in a few short minutes. You can go from being happily single to engaged or in some cases much like my own, married. You can be alive one minute then dead the next, from carefree driver to the person behind the wheel in a hit and run. Do you see how easily life can change in a matter of a minute or two?

For Jude it was going from being the girl with the guitar to the first Instant Star. For me I've had quite a few of those moments in my life, but just within the last couple minutes I've gone from being completely secure to not knowing fucking left from right, up from down.

This girl is killing me and not in the 90 year old billionaire boinking his 23 year old wife kinda way, though both situations got the not being able to breathe thing happening, but in the way that's making me completely lose my mind along with many of the signature Tom Quincy traits.

One second her lips are on mine and before I can even react they're gone. They barely brushed mine. I know there's a law in the states about cruel and unusual punishment so I know for damn sure we gotta have one especially with the UN and all that crap.

Well call up a war tribunal or whatever it is cause Jude Harrison embodies cruel and unusual punishment. First off she comes into my life with great talent, but a feisty spirit (putting it nicely) that could make even Mother Teresa wanna knock her upside the head. Then I start to sorta like her, ok really like her and want her, and the freaking age thing suddenly sets in my mind. The fact that she was only freaking 15/16 years old. I may be a whore but I am a law abiding whore . . . for the most part.

Then let's not forget all the random boyfriends especially the ones who are so damn full of themselves like Shay was. Or that on her 18th the only thing I got out of her was a slap across the face. And when I say the only thing I mean that literally. She didn't say one word to me not even when she slapped me and she didn't acknowledge me for the entire night. All I got was a slap and some great pictures of it. She actually framed one of them and gave it to me a while back. The frame said, "Never forget my fire," as if I could.

What was the point of this again? Oh right cruel and unusual punishment. She is cruel and unusual punishment. So anyway I'm just sitting here after she's abandoned me. I wonder if our game's over. That'd probably be for the better. But when have I ever done what was good for me? The short answer to that is never and also the reason why I m currently leaving Studio 2 and going in search of my Achilles' heel.

I walk around G Major and nothing's really changed since Darius' took over, but of course I'm kinda wrong cause we've changed. I for instance now embrace my cynical sarcastic nature along with the long awaited curves that have appeared on Jude's body. Liam and Sadie are a secret that everyone knows. In all honesty they're not the weirdest couple, I just can't think of another one that's weirder right now.

Jude now in addition to being Jude has curves too. And she got her belly button pierced. I think I may have actually sent Patsy a fruit basket thanking her for putting Jude up to it. The piercing alone was hot but add to it the fact that suddenly every time she gets a new ring she has this incessant need to show me. And Jude flashing me her tight abdomen receives nothing but happy thoughts and acceptance from me.

Other than that everything's still the same. Oh but Jamie finally has premium business cards and if it weren't for the fact that Sadie is Liam's "boss" (don't ask me I only repeat the screams that come from his office) he would be her boss. Crap and Kwest's a full time producer which has in fact changed my life cause my new sound engineer sucks and we don't get to talk about Jude when we should be working anymore . . . for the most part. Speak of the devil there she is with Mason.

"I told you I'd get Mason for ya." Haha she's hilarious isn't she? "Oh I thought you were just trying to bail on our little game," I smoothly reply, because I am smooth. "No I just thought you needed a chance to cool down, maybe even take a bathroom break," I'm starting to rub off on her. But please if she thinks that, that little display back there could give me a hard on she is sorely mistaken.

"In all honesty after awhile I thought you went home to take a nice shower and try out that new shower head of yours." Her cheeks are blazing, maybe she has tried it out or maybe she's just being a prude, so it's a draw. No points for either side, I repeat no points for either side. Mason just looks amused. Well dammit go find your own politically incorrect artist to lust after and flirt with.

I wonder if I was to ever get really incredibly plastered off my ass if she'd take advantage of me. I realize that's a random thought and mildly insane, but it's an interesting idea. If I could say yes she definitely would then I'd totally pretend to get plastered, but not be drunk at all. Hey if I'm gunna screw Jude I want to be at my full capacity, so A) I can remember it forever and ever and a year and B) so I can give her the ride of her fucking life. See cause when I'm drunk I have a tendency to take more than I give, but I'm still the best sex ever.

You know what would really suck, was if Jude was like the worst sex ever. Can you imagine? After all the time I've spent fantasizing, dreaming of and getting off on to have her suck and not in the good way. Man would that'd blow. . . . god what is it with me and sexually charged words? I just can't get away from them. If I said it once, I'll say it again. Freud would have one hell of a good time studying me. I mean what other guy is like me?

Come on I think about sex whether I want to or not, it just sorta happens. I can honestly say that I've had indepth discussions about how inappropriate it is to call having sex, "sleeping together." Seriously when do you sleep? Cause if you fall asleep during the middle of sex something's seriously wrong with you.

And if it's any good, you ride it till the alarm clock rings in the morning. And in some cases that's only the end of round one. Sometimes people forget about showers . . . and red lights . . . . oh oh and let's not forget train tracks. I've got a sure fire way to make any traffic jam fun. "Jude when we go to Europe we're taking a road trip."


	10. Ahh Memories

Chapter 9: Ahh Memories 

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I officially think it's look at Tommy Quincy funny day cause it's like the 12th time she's looked at me like that in like an hour. "You two are going to Europe?" Mason says with a quirk of his brow. "It's a new development from like the last hour," she says with a look that tells me they'll be discussing me later. Can you say awkward?

"So Jude it's about that time," I say trying to make her get the hint. She looks at me weirdly AGAIN, but Mason gets it. And for that he gets a gold star in my book, cause he's no cock block. Although I'm not gunna be gettin any. Whatever it's a future reference.

"Yeah Jude you should head back, it seems like the fun was just beginning," Mason so perfectly states. Just for that next time we record, I'm not gunna make him stay late. See I am a nice guy. Jude shrugs her shoulders but follows me none the less. And it's just my luck to, she follows me back. There are few times a day when I can check out her ass and now could have been one of them. Betcha she isn't even taking this opportunity to check me out.

We get in the studio and take our respective seats. "I know for a fact it's my turn to question you." "I'm surprised you remembered, I didn't think you were still functioning by that point." I may not always be able to think coherently or process enough to be able to speak when you're in my close proximity Jude Harrison, but there is always one incredibly large aspect of my anatomy that functions impeccably well.

"Part of me is always at work." "A measly 22 cm doesn't count Quincy." She may know exactly what I'm talking about but to insult my size! The virgin insulting my size! "Well it's more than you can handle." All she does is laugh . . . again. When did sex with me become so damn funny!

"Just ask your question Tommy," she gets out between her stifled laughs. Oh the things I can ask her. I could totally pry into her wants, desires . . . sexual dream world. So much possibility, so why is is that I say this, "What's your favorite kind of ice cream?" This smile comes over her face and I know that smile. It's the one that screams good memories. You know the one I'm talking about, they smile then you smile cause they're so damn happy if only for a minute as they tell the story. Here comes the story.

"On tour in the states there was this place called the Plush Pony. I know corny name, I personally would have rejected it for that reason alone had I not been in need for some serious sugar. So we get into this place and it's packed. I mean really packed which makes no sense to me cause we're in the the middle of freaking bufu. We find out cause of how damn quaint it is that they make their own ice cream.

'I'm the first to order and I think hey I'll treat myself so I order a two scoop sundae. I decided to try two new flavors too. I choose black cow and coffee-n-cream. How can you go wrong with coffee and soda? So not only was the ice cream orgasmically good but they weren't just scoops of ice cream, they were fistfuls of ice cream. It brought a whole new meaning to spoiling your dinner." Her smile stayed and she lets out this little laugh.

Now what in the world was the point of that whole damn monologue? Other than making me think of Jude and ice cream together and what an amazing combination that'd be, I have no clue. But the honest to god truth, oh lord I can't believe I'm actually admitting this, it's kinda cute and endearing. Shut up I'm not getting soft. "But other than that ice cream orgasm, I almost always opt for mint chocolate chip."

Have you ever wondered how females are able to just randomly throw that word around? And Jude damn she's always using it, like it doesn't mean what it actually means. She can blatantly refer to sex but dear god if I did I'd be crucified. But not only that she's using such a powerful term for ice cream.

Only girls who're virgins or have only had bad sex could ever compare sex to food. Or at least they've never had sex with me. You would never hear one of the girls I've been with say, "This ice cream is better than sex with little Tommy Q." Never I tell ya.

"Well that was a very complete answer." What is my problem with saying anything that remotely resembles what I'm in fact thinking? Oh right because I'm as sure I'd get slapped as I'm sure Sadie's gunna get caught under Liam's desk again. God was that disgustingly hilarious all at the same time.

Me and Jude went to his office to ask him something and we walked in on a very laid back Liam. Not a normal occurrence. He has his hands behind his rolled back head with his eyes closed. That is until he heard us and moved much to Sadie's shock. I know for damn sure he swore rather loudly, as clear as day, "son of a bitch," but I swear I heard the next part.

Jude swears she heard him say it too, "You bit me!" And if you looked really close you could see the tears in the corners of his eyes. Damn I'd be balling if a girl took a bite out of me. It was a little later on when Jude noticed a high heel coming out from underneath the very desk that had just "bit" him. It also happened to be Jude's. 

And well Jude happened to be sitting right next to me while Liam was trying to form coherent sentences. I gotta give the guy credit though, he did a hell of a lot better than I would if I had Jude under my desk. Oh my god must dwell on that thought.

Jude underneath my desk. She'd be smart enough to not bite, but maybe a little nip here and there to tease me. Crap but again not my office or my desk cause my desk leaves my legs in plain view. God damn is Darius a freaking cock block. That's alright I can always go to Liam's office. That lucky bastard actually has privacy. That'd make it even more dangerous. Damn I'm an adrenaline junkie. Oh well, happy thoughts of Jude and Jude's mouth and her tongue and . . .

"What are you thinking about?" "That time we caught Sadie biting off a piece of Liam under his desk." At least that's what I would have said had it not been for the fact that my mind was clouded with sexual urges. This is what I really said . . .


	11. Sexcapades

Chapter 10: Sexcapades 

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"Me at my desk with you under it." Now when you're like I am and you're completely involved in only your mind and you respond without realizing words actually left your mouth, you don't react to what you just said.

So in turn I saw Jude's lips moving; yet, I didn't hear a word she said. My sex time with Jude ended abruptly when I got knocked upside the head. Why is everything physical with her, but not the physical I like?

"What the hell was that for?" She's flat out gaping at me now, like I've grown a second head. She can fit a lot in that mouth of hers by the looks of it. "For thinking I'd give you head and secondly when did this, this sexual fantasizing start?" She basically yells at me.

I began thinking about you inappropriately back when you were jail bait sweetheart, the ripe ole age of 15. Are you beginning to understand why I am mentally defective? And as for the head thing, I have a few things to say.

I always practice safe sex. No glove no love. I have never had a STD. I've never gotten a girl pregnant. I'm appalled by the fact that you seem so repulsed by me and finally, "Where the hell did that come from?" Now she's really looking at me like I belong in the white padded cells. Sleepless in Seattle ain't got nothin on crazy in Toronto. She starts off really slow as if I'm crazy and stupid, "Do you not realize what you said to me?"

Oh shit I missed something that I did. Dammit I gotta think more often. Oh no I was thinking and I told her what I was thinking about our own little repeat performance of pleasing the boss, dammit. "Its your own fault for asking me what I was thinking," I childishly respond. And yes I can admit it was childish and she seems to think so too cause she's laughing.

"So that's all that goes on in the mind of Thomas Quincy, sex?" "No" Yes. Who are you kidding? "I'm so sure," she tells me and with quite the sarcastic bite to it. Well guess what I don't care what you think cause you may be able to get under my skin, but no one is privy to the inner workings of my mind.

"So . . . ." Yeah I've officially killed the mood. She doesn't seem uncomfortable though. "Don't worry Quincy I've had sex dreams about you too. No big deal." NO BIG DEAL! She dreams about me bringing her to the brinks of multiple orgasms and she thinks it's no big deal. Oh sex dreams, Slut 13! I need more, "How often do these dreams occur?" "Only every night," she purrs out. Her voice right then just sounded like sex. There's no other way to describe it, her voice was just sex.

"Let's turn your dreams into reality." You can take the girls away from the charmer, but you can't take the charmer away from the girls. Just let her strip. Please oh please just let her strip. Right now I'll take her to Darius' office, he's at the DoJo. Come on please just this once come on! Trust me when I say reality is so much better than fantasy when it comes to me. I can see it in her eyes, she's debating. Come on Jude, you know you want to.

"You know if it wasn't for the fact that we're in the middle of the studio, that I'm on that time of the month and I don't think you could live up to my expectations I might have said yes. Sorry." And she smiles. She actually has the nerve to smile at me. Only one out of those three reasons is actually reasonable.

This is my curse. She is my curse. I shake my head, "Oh how you underestimate me." Doesn't she think I've got this place scoped out by now, since I'm just such a man whore. She's probably just afraid I'd be too much for her. She probably could barely handle two fingers let alone me.

"Quincy shut up and let me think of my next question." So forceful, so hot, god damn her. "Ok got it. Where is the craziest place you've ever had sex?" The stupidest place would have to be Jude's bed. I know huge mistake, but Sadie was being well Sadie. I know there's no excuse for me to be sharing her bed with anyone but her. But then again I wasn't completely sure it was her room . . . anyway craziest place?

There has been more then a few. "Let's see of course there was the airplane bathroom, but after that well . . . . the port-a-potty in the middle of a BoyzAttack concert, changing room in a shopping mall, back of a parked bus that we left before the driver came back, but the craziest place has to be a confessional in the Vatican."

"You're going to hell." Oh but I do believe that the way to hell is paved by good intentions and I never have good intentions. I could have thrown her room in there but I didn't feel like dying today or having to buy her a new mattress. Cause well I like her mattress, hopefully one day me and her will be able to share it.

"So who were they?" I'm intrigued by the fact that she's intrigued. Here's where the hard part comes in, remembering their names. "The Vatican was a tour guide named Maria who I showed a thing or two. The concert was just a random groupie Chaz was eyeing. We already talked about the airplane and the changing room was the girl assisting me in shopping. I called her in to get her opinion and gave her a great tip for her trouble. The bus was Tara, who proceeded to dump me two days later when I stepped out of the port-a-potty. I never did find out why she wasn't backstage waiting for me."

Go on guess what her reaction was, go on guess. I'm almost positive you know what she did. She laughed her ass off. "Oh yeah you're definitely going to hell." Only because of you my dear. "Portia once said you had a model addiction, but Quincy I think that you're simply a sex addict with serious commitment issues."

Hi, yes I don't believe I ordered a therapist or a diagnosis of my mental facilities today. Girls usually put out a few times before they start tearing me apart. Then again none of them have known me as long as she has on that intimate level we have. "Thanks Doc how much do I owe you?" "Just whatever unbelievable question you have brewing in your head for me next."

I haven't even thought of what to ask her next. Hopefully I don't totally botch it like the last one. What do I want to know about her that I don't already? Oh ho ho I know what I wanna know about . . . her dreams. "So what happens in one of your sex dreams starring me and you?"


	12. Sexual Frustration

Chapter 12: Sexual Frustration

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"Quincy I think you are the quintessential male." Oh the ways she flatters me. But right now I'm in no mood for flattery, only cold hard facts or juicy hot details. "Just answer the question Harrison." "If you insist." Oh I do, so I nod in assurance. "Ok well I'm in the middle of class." Um hello I'm sorry to inform you Jude but the day you graduated I swore I would never set foot in your good ole alma mater, Carson Hill, ever again. "And as usual I get called to the office for business related matters and I get to bail on class." Which is a goal she and I always shared and will share for the rest of our lives.

"But before I can make it to the office you're in the hallway waiting for me. You take my hand and start dragging me away complaining that I'm late as usual and now you won't have enough time for everything." I must be taking her somewhere for a few private lessons. "You bring me to a counselor's office, lead me in and then lock the door behind you. I'm utterly clueless as you pull down the shade on the door." Damn straight we need privacy to get our freak on.

"You take the phone out of my hand, I had been searching for a text message telling me you were coming. You roughly grab my hips, sliding the phone back into my pocket and then you kiss me. That's when things really start to escalate." Escalate how? I demand details, incredibly descriptive details. I wanna know every moan that came from your throat, every cry from your lips, every place your hands traveled, better yet everywhere your lips traveled. "You were slowly working off my pants when they begin to ring." Who the fuck's pants ring! And shouldn't the damn thing at least be on silent since she's in school? And above all are my pants off yet!

"You of course try to persuade me not to answer it, but I know that ring tone and well really when do I ever listen to you Quincy?" Even with my hands between her legs she's still not submissive? Yeah that's definitely a dream. "I answer the phone and immediately pull away from you and start getting dressed. I then leave the room and you start chasing me down the hall pulling your pants up as you go." HA my pants were off! Point 14 for the Slut. "I feel remotely bad seeing as well you can't exactly close your pants due to um me so I explain why I'm leaving." Oh it's gunna be kinky. It's gunna be kinky I can just feel it. Yes I most certainly can.

"So I tell you, 'Thanks Quincy that was a great warm up for me and Kwest.' Then I leave you high and dry in the middle of the school hallway right as the bell rings." She finishes with this self satisfied smile that makes me wanna slap her, but I'm a gentleman so I won't. Ok maybe not a gentleman, but my mother taught me to never hit girls and my father told me the same, in addition to saying I should only hit on them. "That's by far my best dream."

Enough about her damn dream. If that's the best she had though then she's a . . . I don't know what she is but she's something. And Kwest? Of all people, Kwest, my best friend? The less attractive and experienced of the pair me and him make? "So you dream of not only being a tease, but a cheater too?" Alright that was harsh, but I was all expecting to be acting this out with her in the near future and she goes and does that.

"You're just mad cause you never got in my panties and jealous cause my subconscious is more willing to let Kwest in than you." Well color me freaking green, she's figured me out. But I'm not so sure your subconscious is supposed to be smarter than you though. Who does she think she is a psychiatrist or something? "I'm not jealous or even mad for that matter I'm slightly annoyed that you chickened out on our game at most."

You think you can affect me that much, well think again Judy! (Oh yeah Grandma Harrison loves her little Judy I found out) I'm not some horny over hormonal teenage boy, I am a man. I may have a slightly larger sexual appetite then some but that's only because I don't just think about sex, I'm actually able to act on it. Which is more than I can say about you. You wanna go screw Kwest? Well go on screw ahead cause I don't give a damn. I'm as apathetic as . . . . as . . . as Darius is bald!

Ok bad analogy but I don't give a damn. I mean seriously why am I even thinking about analogies when my best friend's stealing my girl. "You did that on purpose," I accuse. She just smiles and bats her eyelashes in an attempt at being innocent. What a manipulative, "You asked for one of my dreams starring you and me." She's the devil. "You're the devil." "And you're a walking STD." Oh so now she's quick and heartless. "Your turn to question me," I basically growl out.

Really it's not my fault that she affects me so much. I can't help it. I'm so sad and pathetic cause I'm cliché. Cliché in one too many aspects of my life indeed. Seriously sometimes I can't help but be thankful that more people don't automatically hate me on principle alone. You know hates a such a strong word but I know Jude's hated me once or twice in her lifetime. But for that I simply rely on the whole fine line between love and hate.

I wonder what she's gunna ask me. I mean seriously I've thrown some crazy shit at her and so far nothing incredibly remarkable has ensued except for my whole freak out about her losing her virginity to Liam. Can you imagine having sex with Liam? Sadie probably has to scream out crazy shit like "Ride me harder you scrumptious little Irish man" or "Get me drunk off your Irish lovin."

Yeah now everyone is plagued by the horrendous images that will haunt your dreams, but I couldn't help myself. I mean how times a day can you semi quote Entourage? Especially the creepy gay guy who backed Queen's Boulevard from Season 1 who actually called Eric, my boy E, the scrumptious little Irish man. In a normal week I can only quote it/ reference it once or twice. And damn people I got quotas to fill. Just like I have to undress Jude with my eyes at least once a day.

I'm so hoping that one of these days I really get at least a glimpse of her. I mean how hard would it be for her to maybe one day answer the door in a towel and then "accidentally" drop it. Or do you realize how many times I've invited her over to swim in hopes that she'd have a bikini malfunction? She never does. She never even wears suits that could ever have that happen to them. Bitch.

Speaking of suits, you know what I just find so damn warped yet oddly funny? I was watching some random music channel. You get cable or satellite tv and there's millions of them channels. Have you ever noticed that? I did and some seriously scary stuff is on there. Like one night I brought this chick home and she turned on this channel that only played boy band videos while we were getting familiar on my couch.

Creeped me the fuck out and had I not been so generally sexually frustrated due to my little jail bait problem I would have kicked her out then and there. It also helps that I was drunk enough to think it was pretty damn hilarious at the time. Eventually I had to puke, not sure if I was because of the music or the alcohol. But seeing as I'm a tank it definitely had to be the music. Where the hell did that tangent come from? Oh right music channels.

So I'm flipping through them the other night and I see the Thong Song video come on. And then the thing that strikes me as hilariously wrong is that Sisqo has some little girl, who plays his daughter or may very well be his actual daughter, bring him the thong that sets him off in a sex daze. People think I'm bad but damn that's just . . . I can't even think of a word to describe it.

I mean who can think of sex when an 8 year old girl that could be your daughter holds a thong? Seriously fucked up and I bet you now that little girl is in therapy trying to rid herself of all the Sisqo memories. In all honesty I think we all could have used a little therapy after Sisqo.

Jude still hasn't talked yet, "What's taking so long?" Cause in the last ten minutes I've scarred myself enough for a lifetime with all my little mental images. They all stem from her though well except for the whole Sisqo pulling an R Kelly thing, but even R Kelly'd probably say damn that's too young. Right now I just realized how smart I really am. If I had hooked up with Jude before she turned 18 they would have called me the new R Kelly. But wouldn't you rather be R Kelly then Celine's creepy ass husband Renee? Good point. You can't compliment yourself on a topic like this, so no not a good point.

But then again who really cares about anymore bad press? I was Little Tommy Q, poster child for trouble. And she'd be worth it. She's a good kisser. I still think she'd be a good lay and I do in fact ya know. I mean it's none of that L bomb shit but ya know there's something there besides lust. And that's all you're getting out of me.

Dammit why isn't she talking? I really don't like thinking, it only leads to trouble. "Hi yeah earth to Jude." She jerks and I know that means she was thinking about something and I have a sneaking suspicion that it had nothing to do with what question she was gunna ask me.

"So I was thinking," what did I just say, "And although I don't have a new question for you I do have a proposition." Whatever it is I say yes because god damn if you'd just say proposition again, I may die a semi happy man. "I'm listening." She smirked, she's up to something and I am quite intrigued. Very intrigulating it is. And yes I made that word up, but it's one hell of a word so flick off if you don't like it. I don't put up with mutiny in my own head.

"So I think we should continue our little game outside of the studio. It's close enough to quitin time anyway." Intrigulating indeed. "And where do you propose we go?" "I dunno my place?" The same apartment I helped move everything into and got nothing out of it, except it was kinda penance for the whole 18th fiasco. But it's also a private place that has her bed, "Why not."

"Ok cool. Let's pack up, I'll drive." Normally I'd ask about my car, but she's offering to bring me to her place. Which means me leaving my car here, cutting off any option for my escape or way home. Someone wants me to spend the night. Sure cause that makes logical sense. Shut up you can't be sarcastic towards yourself in your own head. How many times do I have to tell you? "Sounds good to me." "I thought it might."


	13. A Transition

Chapter 12: A Transition 

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Life is good. No wrong, life is better than good, it's great. I am in lust with life right now, you hear me. Because life has brought me to this anointed hour where I will be going to Jude's apartment. Privacy, me, Jude and a bedroom, I don't think a guy could ask for a better opportunity. And then it happens, because I am a horrible person and karma is always lurking around the freaking corner waiting to fuck with me.

Did I ever mention that I went out with the spawn of Satan? Yeah her name is Sadie which always reminded me of sadistic. So don't think Sexy Sadie think Sadistic Sadie, the spawn of Satan. I guess someone didn't get screwed by Liam this morning so she's decided to screw me over. I swear to god there are just one to freaking many cock blocks in this office.

We were leaving, I was so close I could almost taste her then the spawn showed up and felt she should showcase why she's not a dumb blonde. The whole time I have known Sadie she's never been stupid, she just lacks common sense every now and then. But she chose today of all days to find it. She had to open her damn mouth that should have been filled with Liam and inform Jude how unpractical she was being and that I should drive myself.

So now I am driving my hummer behind Jude's mustang on the way to her apartment. But never fear cause I have hope. Just because my car is in her parking lot does not mean that she will find the need to hand me my keys. The only thing she's gunna be handing me by the end of the night is a condom from her night stand. Even I've got to admit that's a little cocky, but I don't give a damn.

I made it to her humble abode just fine and now I'm following her inside which means yes I have met my quota of looking at Jude's ass for the day. I like her apartment, it's not too bling bling but it's still nice. It's very much . . . her. "Makes yourself at home Quincy." "Don't I always?" She just chuckles as she walks towards her kitchen. "So what's your poison?" Why you of course, always have been. It's like that Alice Cooper song. I've almost come to the point where I've adopted as our song.

It embodies everything, trust me I've spent a good amount of time figuring it out. You being a tease: "one look could kill, my pain your thrill," she gets off on getting me off. My lustful obsession: "I wanna kiss you but I want it too much," and "don't wanna touch you but you're under my skin." And then of course my fantasies: "Your mouth so hot, your skin so wet, black lace on sweat." Oh which makes me wanna go on a pantie raid like some frat boy or just like that one time at the University of Minnesota. Good old Midwest girls up for a good time in the Sorority house.

"Whatever you've got." Maybe I'll get taken advantage of this evening. "Um I have water and coke. I need to go grocery shopping." That's cause you spend all of your time with me which is also the same reason I need to go grocery shopping. Maybe we should shop together. How hot would that be, sex in a grocery store? Like hiding away in an aisle, dangerous and hot. Oh and so opportune for whip cream and all those other foods just perfect for being eaten off of a body.

"Coke works." "Why you need the caffeine to stay awake old man?" I snort in response, if anyone needs the caffeine it will be her so she can keep up with me. This night is only beginning. 


	14. A Little Couch Time

Chapter 13: A Little Couch Time 

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She makes her way over and hands me my can of coke, I'm so glad my presence doesn't trouble the hostess inside of her. Cause seriously a cup is just too much to ask for. After situating herself on the couch next to me she raises her can, "To a new location and the questions to follow." I can't help myself as I concur with a smirk and a, "cheers." This game will only prove to be my best or worst idea to date. "I believe it's still your turn."

She laughs as she brings her legs up to sit indian style, "How could I forget?" You can't, but you're cute so I'll let it go, "no clue." She'd had a long time to think so this question's gunna be good. "Who's the one sexual partner you regret the most?" This is fucking bullshit. She is so trying to screw with me and not in the good way. It's a lose lose situation either way.

She knows I slept with Sadie so if I say the groupie who Chaz screwed and got crabs from that I then proceeded to screw, she gets pissed about me not regretting Sadie. And just for your information I'm clean. I'm tested on a regular basis and I always wear a condom. I don't need any kids or diseases. Anyway if I don't say Sadie I'm shanked , but if I do say Sadie then I'm actually flat out saying hey I fucked your sister. Not exactly the best way to get in her pants now is it?

We're supposed to be completely honest though and the honest truth is, it is Sadie. Being with her ruined many a shot with Jude and always proved to not only cause drama in our relationship, but mine and Jude's too. Not only that, she wasn't that good a lay. Bangin body yeah, but only decent in bed, nothing spectacular. But she couldn't give head if her life depended on it. It was more uncomfortable than pleasurable, sometimes even painful. The girl just didn't get that it wasn't a sausage. You don't bite it!

"Sadie, because for a long time she ruined what me and you had. And it took us far too long to get it back." I say sincerely cause it's all true even if I left out Sadie's deficiencies. She looks thoughtful but slowly a small smile spreads across her face, "your turn." I passed! I think I deserve a reward or something. Come on let me get just one kiss. I'll pull a Sebastian from Cruel Intentions and kiss her between her legs. That was a smooth move and I am not ashamed to say I've actually pulled that move a few times. Oh the things those Boyz Attackers will fall for.

"What's your guilty pleasure, Miss Harrison?" See now I may not get a sexual answer to this but I had a hell of a good time saying it. She raises her eye brow at me. I can see it now she says 'you' and then begins to maul me tearing off my clothes. Dreams can come true can't they? "That'd have to be the stupid MTV dating shows like Parental Control and Next." I can't help it I laugh cause it's hilarious but I know exactly what she means. "Shut up at least I'm being honest," she says trying to hold back her own laughter.

She can't keep it in and bursts out laughing. Though I'd much rather have her head thrown back in ecstasy I find myself not minding this so much. Calming down slightly she asks me, "Tommy do you ever plan on getting married again?" And I choke on my soda. I would have spit it out had I not been in mid gulp. Virgin 16, wow I haven't had to give that side points in awhile, damn. How am I supposed to answer that? I sure as hell ain't gunna give some pansy ass answer. So I answer her to the best of my ability, "No clue."

She looks at me funny, "You're 25 years old and you've never once thought about whether or not you're ever going to get married again? It's been what 7 years already?" I wasn't even thinking about getting married the first time I tied the fucking knot. "When was my last serious relationship, your sister and I already admitted I regret he so why would I ever think about marriage?" The only girl I want is you and I've already determined it's more then lust, but a hell of a lot less then love. For all I know once I bang her, I'll be done. That's it I need to lighten the mood.

"Do you own a vibrator?" She slaps me upside the head, "What the hell is that kinda question?" I shrug innocently, "Just cause you're a virgin doesn't mean you don't have urges." She looks at me like I'm insane and says, "No I don't have one." Oh but we're not denying the urges? There's my slut, 15! "Would you like one for your birthday?" Her cheeks turn a light shade of pink, but she begins laughing hysterically, "No thanks, I'll pass," she gets out.

Basically the rest of the night passes like this. I find out the one thing she wants to do in France before she dies is have sex in the Eiffel Tower and I tell her we'll look into it when we're on our trip to Europe. I tell her roughly how many cherries I've popped and she asks me if I plan on adding anyone else to that list anytime soon. I of course respond with a suave 'do you want me too?' All in all it's a pretty good night despite the lack of nudity. Not only that it leaves me with quite a bit of material for fantasy time. Not to mention the scores are now at a tie, 20 to 20. I'm starting to think the first one to 100 wins.

"Oh god Quincy it's 2 am," she laughs out. Shit we have a meeting in the Studio at 8. I can't believe I was up this late and I didn't get any action. It's gunna take like 40 minutes to get home cause she lives like 20 minutes away from the studio and I live 20 minutes in the opposite direction. Which means I won't be going to bed till at least 3. Then I'm up at 6:30, "Fuck." "What's wrong?" "Meeting at 8 ring any bells?" She winces, "And you still have to drive home." No shit Sherlock thanks for the obvious. I get cranky when it's late, I'm not gettin any and I have to be up early.

She looks apprehensive, did I shoot her a glare without realizing it? "You could always stay here." "What?" I can't help it I'm in shock. "You still leave clothes in your office at work right?" I nod, "Well then just change tomorrow morning and crash on my couch tonight." It was all good until she said couch. I feel like she has metal panties on that can only be unlocked with a key and no one knows where it is. Picture the iron undies from that one movie that always reminds me of a bad Princess Bride imitation.

I can't even think of the name of the movie I'm so upset right now. My loins fucking ache you hear me? "I guess that'd work." "Ok then I'll go get you some pillows and stuff for the couch." So I'm just supposed to sleep out here while she's in her bedroom, in her bed, wearing nothing? Well I don't actually know how she sleeps but still. There's something seriously wrong with this picture.

She comes back and helps me set up the couch. As I watch her bend over fluffing the pillow it takes every last bit of strength I have not to maul her right then, especially considering she's changed into shorts. She goes to walk away, "I had fun tonight. I'll wake you up around 6:45. Good night Quincy, sweet dreams." "Sweet dreams, keep them R, no NC-17," I say as I take off my shirt and she laughs, shutting off the light. I fell asleep rather quickly cause I was in fact tired and I had no sexual actions happening to give me some adrenaline.

It was still dark out when I felt someone kissing their way along my jaw line. I would've opened my eyes if it hadn't felt so good. My eyes shot wide open though when the person's tongue began grazing the outline of my ear. There she was before me with a seductive smile and a fire in her eyes, "I couldn't sleep." My voice was husky from sleep and her, "I can wear you out." And I grabbed her, bringing her body crashing down flush against mine.

I attacked her mouth, claiming it as my own. She surprised me though when she moved her hand down to my waist band making me moan, cause she used it to invade my mouth with her tongue. Before long I had her shirt over her head and I thanked god as I saw the sight before me. Jude slept braless. I began to trail kisses down her neck when she slapped me away. I looked at her confused with hooded eyes. She made her way to my ear, her hot breath sending shivers down my spine,"my turn." 

Leaving hot kisses from my Adam's apple to my abdomen I felt my heart beat faster, my brain shut off and myself get harder. Her lips moved lower and lower. She began pulling my boxers down with urgency. I tried to take control of the situation, but I lost all thought as she took me in her hand. Before I even noticed she was licking the tip of my shaft.

Her teasing was killing me and as I went to vocalize my protests her mouth enveloped me, eliciting only a moan of pleasure. She worked her head up and down. With my eyes shut I blindly grabbed for her hair. Tangling my fingers in her blonde curls I began to moan.

Just as I'm about to come I feel someone else shaking me and I hear screeching. I open my eye and find Jude standing over me and not on my dick. "YOU POPPED MY COUCH'S CHERRY, QUINCY!" 


	15. Dumb Fucking Luck

Chapter 14: Dumb Fucking Luck 

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TIME OUT! There are very few times in my life when I have actually been mortified and this right here has just shot up to number freaking one on a very short list. Cause I've just been reduced to a prepubescent teen. Come on a mother fucking wet dream! "You've got to be kidding me," I muter out. She stares at me bewildered and that's when I realize I still have a hard on. To quote Martin Blank, "DUMB FUCKING LUCK!" I finally get action at her apartment and it's from her freaking couch.

"My couch!" she squeaks out. I know your fucking couch! Ok ok I hear ya alright, your point is made. I'll buy you a damn couch. She can't help but notice my new predicament and she stares some more. Well I'd stare too, it's rather impressive. "How do you um uh . . . how do . . . cough er handle . . . that?" and she motions up and down with her hand. Well there's a few ways I can think of, that we could do right here on the couch.

"Um bathroom?" She just shakes her head and points in the direction I should go, but she's in a daze. Good to know I have this affect on her. I go to stand up and she's there. We're so close and I can feel myself grow harder. Her eyes are as wide as saucers and she tries to speak, "Do you need help, oh fuck no you wouldn't, I mean you could but shit. That's not what I mean I uh just. God dammit Quincy get that thing away from me!"

I can't help myself, "But I thought you wanted to help me," I whisper in her ear. She shivers, maybe I won't have to take care of this myself. I go to advance on her neck and just as I'm about to taste her, "There's the phone," she jerks away so quickly, "I'll take it in my room." And with that she runs.

Thing is the phone never rang. I'm left high and dry. I gotta go furniture shopping soon. And I've got no clue where the hell her bathroom is. Dumb fucking luck! I think a cold shower's in order.

I finally make it to the bathroom, my walk there I am officially calling my walk of shame. I think it's pretty damn appropriate. I start the shower and peel off my sticky clothing. This sucks, I can't wear these and I refuse to go commando, it freaking chafes. I get in the shower close my eyes and just let the water run over me, it's cold but refreshing. I open my eyes and see her shampoo and stuff.

There's something you need to know about me. I don't like random showers. I don't like using random shampoos and soap. I like my stuff and that's the main reason I'll not go to a one night stand's house. I like my own stuff. It may be OCD but oh well.

So I see her stuff and she's got the same body wash as me and shampoo. Someone should get like brownie points for this. Sometimes though I think me and her were made like this. And whoever or whatever made us just sits, watching us and laughs their ass off. Like 'ha ha I made you two completely compatible but completely incapable of doing anything about it.' Well whoever you are I've got only one thing to say: FUCK YOU!

I finish my shower, ending all physical problems I was previously facing. I wrap the towel around my waist, dammit I guess I'm breaking my rule and going commando. I open the door and Jude's got her hand up and ready to knock. "Can I help you?" She ignores me and watches the water dripping down my chest. What is it that woman always say? Look at me eyes not my chest? Well Harrison look at my eyes not my abs.

She suddenly gets a grip, "I thought these might fit," and she hands me a pair of boxers. Why the hell does she have guy's boxers! "What guy has been staying at your apartment?" I demand a little forcefully. "You're the only guy I know who can come on my couch and still have the audacity to get jealous and accuse me," she yells. Someone's frustrated. "Well excuse me for being concerned I'm gunna catch some disease." Ok I know that's kinda ridiculous but I couldn't think of anything else to say.

"The only way someone would catch something would be if they were your boxers!" I am disease free! "You're just jealous." I've been waiting for her to finally go off about all the girls I've screwed, guess she's really a late bloomer. "Try disgusted you dick. That's exactly what you are, a dick cause that's all you ever think with!" "Well it's better than being a prude!" I scream matching her volume. "Yeah well would a prude do this!"

And she grabbed me roughly by the neck and kissed me. I was in freaking shock as I kissed her back with just as much force. I felt her hand travel down my chest and abs. My hands were in her hair and hers was toying with the top of the towel. I moaned and I felt her smile against my lips. She ripped her body and my towel away immediately. I'm standing there naked as she walks away laughing, "You've got 5 minutes. Don't dirty my boxers, they're my favorite pair to sleep in."

Are you fucking kidding me? Slut 22! Hockey, hockey, hockey, when my dog died, Jamie and Patsy having sex, walking in on my parents . . . STAR JONES! OK I'm good, I put on the boxers that had fallen to the floor. Then I put on my clothes from the night before. I go back to the bathroom and brush my teeth with my finger, something that may come in handy later. I come out and Jude's waiting by the door, "Come on we're gunna be late." "What afraid Darius'll spank you and not in the way you like him too?"

She scowls, well that's what you get for confusing the fuck out of me and little Tommy. The ride to the studio was relatively quiet except for a fight over the radio which led to her saying 'go fuck yourself, not my couch!' I go to my office and change my shirt. An intern sees me and I wink at her. I will get action today. Gotta love college coeds.

There's no coffee left when I get to Hospitality. This morning blows. I make it to the meeting late of course. And of course Darius the prick he is calls me out on it in front of everyone, "Explain to me why you're late for my meeting Tom." Before I can even say anything Jude starts, "He was busy having his own version of American Pie. Or maybe it's more like the guy from Law and Order SVU who played the cook in that camp movie set in the 70's who would hump the fridge to get off." Then she takes a big sip of her coffee while smirking. And with that I know she finished the pot and she's rather satisfied with herself because she said all of this in front of basically majority of the G Major staff. BITCH!

"Jude's just embarrassed by the real reason, ignore her. I was busy debating whether or not I could use her KY warming gel for my hair, but I realized it was too much of a lubricant for that." Two can play that game Miss Harrison. 


	16. Talk Sex With Darius

Chapter 15: Talk Sex With Darius 

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The smirk just got whipped off her pretty little face. And basically everyone is now glancing back and forth between us like it's some sort of tennis match. The only one not at all happy, intrigued or in shock is Darius. He well he looked like he was ready to scream. And he did just that, "Do I look like Sue freaking Johansen! I didn't think so, so leave both of yours problems in the bedroom there, not in my studio!" Jude's blushing furiously and stuttering trying in complete vain to reply. And now if I let her speak where would the fun be in that?

"Got it D no quickies in the studio," just as I'm about to finish my thought adding in something about my back seat and the parking lot next store I feel a pen make contact with my head. Jude's over shock, "I wouldn't touch his penis with a 10 foot stick," and now she's pissed. She just wont stop with the diseased stuff will she? "There wasn't even a centimeter between us this morning," I say suggestively, which I probably shouldn't have. Cause knowing this damn office's gossip addiction, my little intern might hear something and have a conscience.

"I don't take sloppy seconds form my couch," she snarls out. Well damn I thought you didn't want me at all. "Then this morning was what? A hormonal relapse?" "I dunno Quincy what was that thing I walked in on this morning?" Yet again I'm interrupted before I can speak, this time it was Darius though. "Both of you out!" "D listen" "Get out! I'm not telling you again. OUT!" I throw my hands up in surrender and go to leave, "after you Jude." "Bite me." Someone's got a kinky side, intrigulating.

I've barely closed the door and Jude's already slapping me. not across the face, but everywhere non stop. "What the hell?" Either she didn;t hear me or she doesn't care. "What the hell is your problem Quincy!" I finally get a hold of her flailing arms and grip them firmly. "I could ask you the same question." She looks at me like I'm stupid. I am not stupid thank you. Sexually frustrated yes, but I plan on taking care of that today sometime . . . maybe lunch. Where did that coed go?

"You're my problem you jackass and stop looking for that new intern." how'd she? "She's not gunna give you any." How the hell does she know I'm looking for 151? "I have no clue what you're talking about." She actually has the nerve to scoff at me. "Come on **dick** I'm in the mood to write an angry rock song." Bitch, jealous bitch. "I haven't gotten my morning coffee yet." "I know," and she smirks as she starts to walk away. Damn those hips, she does it on purpose! Where's my damn intern?

I walk around G Major casually searching for her. Once I hit hospitality I find my salvation. Not only is she hot, built and interested, she's making making a fresh pot of coffee. I waltz up to her and form behind I whisper in her ear, "I see you've found my weakness." She breathes out unsteadily and shudders lightly. Ha, I've still got it. "Mr. Quincy." "Far too professional for me call me Tommy." She smiles and nods, "Ok then Tommy can I provide you with some kryptonite?" Hot and mildly witty, she definitely meets my high standards of weakness. "What are you doing tonight?" I ask with my trademark smile.

After getting her name and making plans for tonight I walked into Studio B with coffee in hand and a swagger. "Hello my wonderful artist how's that jealous rock song coming along?" She glares at me, what's new? "I'm not jealous, dick." This new nick name of mine doesn't bother me as much as she wants it too. My reasoning is that every time she calls me dick she can't help but think of my real endowment which of course makes the heat between her legs flare up. So really without even trying I'm getting her hot and bothered. "No need to be ashamed Harrison, of your jealousy or your KY lubricant." Again I get a pen thrown at my head. "I never knew you were kinky." "Oh go screw your intern Quincy.'

Now she's ignoring me. Somebody is jealous! But this whole intern thing is really her own fault. If she had just given in this morning I wouldn't have as much of an appetite. And if it didn't bug her so much I wouldn't get quite as much satisfaction out of this. So really it's all her fault. Kwest comes in, guess the meetings over. "Jude, Darius wants to see you in his office." She grumbles and blames me of all people, "Thanks a lot, dick." I just smile, "No problem, sex kitten. You can thank me later on your couch." And with that she flips me off. And I have no problems cause I'd love it if she fucked me.

Kwest does his little sigh thing that always pisses me off. I don't need another lecture about Jude ok, Darius'll probably call me in next. And I thought the sexual harassment accusations were bad last time. "Did you sleep at her place last night?" Don't you really mean did I not get any sleep at her place last night? "Yeah, so?" "Yeah so? So, did you hear yourselves this morning?" No I speak without thinking or listening. Shit can't be sarcastic when it's true can ya? "We're in the midst of a disagreement sorta."

"From the sounds of it, it started over something like you not using the 'for her pleasure' condoms." Oh I wish. Reminds me though I gotta get some of those, ran out a couple weeks ago. Regular ones work fine, but her pleasure shows you care. "You know I can't quite remember when it started but I tell ya what. Go ask her the same thing you just asked me and see what she says." He shakes his head but I hear him chuckling. "So what's this about you humping refrigerators?" She gave them a really bad image that totally insults me and tarnishes my reputation. "She may have woken me from a uh wet dream."

"He busts out laughing. Now it's my turn to finally get violent. I hit him upside the head. "shut up, one minute she's giving me head, the next she's standing over my head yelling." Still freaking snickering the ass goes, "You poor guy," in the most condescending way. "That's even funnier than when Darius compared himself to Sue Johansen." Oh I forgot about that. That was pretty damn funny.

Both are creepy. Both I guess are knowledgeable in their fields. But come on I can't even keep a straight face thinking about the Big D pulling out the bendable sex dolls and demonstrating to proper positioning for best fulfillment. Or better yet whipping out the toy bag and explaining the benefit of the vibrator of the day. "Man could you imagine D having to answer one of her questions? Like that one from the married lady who was all worried cause her husband only got off on 'ejaculating' in her ear."

We're cracking up when suddenly I find that no matter what fucking karma hates me. "I dunno T why don't you let me help you with one of your own dilemmas." Next to a pissed Darius is Jude laughing her ass off. 


	17. It's All Foreplay

Chapter 16: It's All Foreplay 

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Karma's a bitch and so is Darius. Throw Jude in there to cause she wouldn't stop laughing and she tried to freaking trip me on my way out. It takes a lot more for me to trip up like maybe her flashing me or something. So I have to follow Darius cause guess what it's time for my own tongue lashing. Ew that's a disgusting image and I want to brutally maul myself for even thinking about it. Seriously what is wrong with my brain? I don't function properly, I've come to that conclusion.

I'm sittin across from the big D and I'm not intimidated so in your face. Bring on whatever crap you've got to give cause no matter what you have to say I will never be able to be as humiliated as I was this morning. "Are you screwing Jude?" This is why me and him could always get along, save for the whole marrying and divorcing his sister thing, he's blunt just how I like it. "No D, I'm not screwing Jude despite popular belief." Darius snorts, oh yeah that's real attractive, "So what exactly was this morning?" I made the biggest mistake and actually admitted to a girl my real number.

"We may have shared a few secrets. She may not have liked everything she heard, "I nonchalantly reply. Cause I'm cool, I'm like James Dean baby. "What stupid thing could you have possibly said this time? Sadie was your best lay to date or what?" See he's always on and he's a guy like me so he knows. "Not quite, she asked me my number." He's shaking his head and laughing at me now, "And you lied right?" no comment, "Come on T you lie about everything and this you tell the truth about? To Jude of all people?" "It was an honesty game, what can I say?"

Now he's laughing, too many god damn people laugh at me. "So what was that lucky number?" "150 roughly, you lose count ya know?" "You're welcome." Huh? Oh, he knows about the groupies. "Remind me to send you a fruit basket." "All you have to do is keep the you and Jude thing to yourselves. And I meant what I said earlier, no sex in my studios." I just nod my head cause what else am I supposed to do? And technically it won't be in a studio, it's gunna be in his office. Loopholes people, loopholes.

I was dismissed and off to the studio I went. "Was he as blunt with you a he was me?" She won't look up at me and Kwest is motioning for me to stop. What did I miss? "Jude?" "T man shut it." What the hell is going on? "Hello sex kitten," I try to entice her with. No avail. Something's wrong, I can sense it. "Hey artist of mine . . . " "Dick leave me alone and let me work so we get out right on time. Don't want you to miss your dinner date, although all you're interested in is dessert." Dammit why is she so pissed off? If she doesn't wanna be with me or at least give me friends with benefits then what the hell does she expect?

"As you've grown older you've gotten a lot better with sexual innuendo you know that?" I'm trying to keep my cool, honestly I am but I can't help but wanna crack up. I love that she's jealous, it's hilarious. Her hostility could really be beneficial to myself and the rest of the staff. I could sure use a nice cat fight right now.

Jude and Madison, would I love to see some clothes ripped off. Hell I'd pay for it. Then I could get between the two and suddenly all three of us are rolling around and my shirts gone like that. Jude realizes her position and she attacks my lips while grasping at Madison. We have the greatest three some right there in the middle of the lobby. I would pay for that.

That would kinda make her like a hooker though? Jude's not a hooker although get her into that character and I wouldn't mind. Some hooker boots and fish nets. Good images, I tell ya. Oh shit Jude's yelling, "Is it so much to ask for you to actually listen to me for once instead of undressing your latest one night stand!" I love jealous Jude, "you know I only undress you with my eyes." "Oh that's how to sweet talk your way into my pants for sure," she says with such a vicious sarcastic bite to it that I'm almost afraid of what she can do to me with her rhetoric. There's a reason she's an award winning songwriter/singer.

"You know how to get into my towel, we're even." More like she knows how to completely strip me naked, even if she doesn't really know what to do after that. Practice makes perfect though. With more experience can come more foreplay, although I think mine and hers relationship may have become just one giant example of foreplay. Interesting thought, so she's not only jealous but also trying to work me up cause that's the way she wants me . . . kinky. Slut 23!

"Tell me Tom why haven't we fucked yet?" EXCUSE ME? Where the hell did that come from? Wherever it is she should go there more often except minus the whole swearing thing. She only swears when she's really pissed off, which happens a lot around me. But angry sex can be so hot though. "Cause it seems to be part of the initiation into the G Major family." Insert Kwest's nervous chuckle here, "Using the word family kinda makes it sound like incest, kinda funny with ya know two sets of siblings working here." What a lame ass, but I gotta give him credit for trying to diffuse the immense sexual tension. I mean you could cut it with a spoon.

"And Tom's screwed one out of each pair in addition to countless interns, receptionists, secretaries and who else? Delivery girls maybe? That's probably why he always offers to pay, give um a quickie and they don't charge ya." Ok maybe hittin Madison isn't worth this, she hasn't been this mad in a long time. I should try and pacify her, make things all better but I think she's so hot right now. Her eyes get this sparkle, it's more like a flame and I can almost see her hair from blond to red in my mind's eye. She'd be such a good lay cause she's so damn passionate.

"Your point? Everyone of your boyfriends have been associated with G Major and most of your kisses." Cue her bitter heartless hollow laugh now, "You hate that you don't know the other to guys I kissed." Dammit I almost forgot about that. She's advancing on me, "I could see it last night. You were trying to figure out who they were. Better yet how far they got? Did they get farther than you? Did they get to feel me up? Did they get to have what you can't?" I feel myself clenching my fists and I know I'm grinding me teeth with a locked jaw. She's starring at me right in the eyes and she's right in front of my damn face now. I don't give a damn about any of those guys, they don't mean a damn thing. We both know it. She wouldn't let them touch her . . . never. Their hands can't go anywhere, they don't belong near her . . . ever. I'm trying to breathe, it's not exactly working. "I guess you'll never know but tonight when you're screwing her just pretend it's me so your ego stays in tact." Then she walked out.

"What is that?" Kwest spits out as he's gaping at me. I'm just as confused as him, "I think it's our version of foreplay," I mutter. He gives me a questioning glance, "You know foreplay? Sadie likes to get spanked, EJ liked doing a strip tease in stilettos, Darius likes to be dominated and you have girls talk dirty to you. Foreplay." "Man how do you know that stuff?" I'm cool like that?

Actually I know about Sadie and EJ cause I slept with them. Yeah I know EJ, it was one too many drinks, Shay had serenaded Jude. All I really remember is that EJ could very easily become a stripper referred to as like the Asian Tasty or the Asian Delight, she's got skills. I think she did stripper aerobics. I should buy Jude some of those classes or at least get her that video with Carmen Electra. I can get her a pole too, maybe I'll get a private show. What was I talking about again?

Oh right foreplay, so Sadie and EJ are easy. I found out about Darius on accident. Let's just say if he can lock his door for sex in his office, so can I. Well that and Portia accidentally let it spill one drunken night. How she knew I don't even wanna think about. Shudder. And finally my dear friend Kwest. We've been friends for over 15 years. We've shared apartments, well crashed at each others' places on occasion. Shared tour buses and shared women. But for the most part he's been a good boy. He'd probably been a lot better if I hadn't been such a bad influence.

"Just tell me you're not the one who dominates Darius and I'll be fine." I laugh cause well his face and comment are funny, "You should know by now Portia's a font of useful information when she's drunk." "Right but back to you and Jude and your whatever it is. The intern came in to leave her cell number for you tonight, just incase. Jude told her to make sure to bring her diaphragm and to hold out till you at least bought her dinner or a few drinks. She wasn't exactly nice about it and your intern responded by saying she was on the pill. Jude went to say or do something but the girl walked out. Then Jude shredded the number, see the pile of paper on your chair? That's for you."

She wants me like Nick Lachey wants a career. Like Clay wants to be straight. Like Snoop Dog wants a joint. Like Ben Afleck wants a new hit movie. And last but not least like Sue Johansen wants a new sex toy. "Yeah she wants me." "Oh yeah she wants you like we all want the reincarnation of WHAM!" 


	18. Pack of 27's

Chapter 17: Pack of 27's

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So right now at this moment I am multitasking cause I now refuse to speak to Kwest considering he just compared me to George Michael. And I'm sorry but I'd rather be compared to Tom Cruise before George Michael. And also I'm giving Jude her allotted calm down and come up with a new set of insults for Tom Quincy time. Really you think she comes up with all her scathing remarks off the top of her head? Well actually she does but hey dumbing her down in my mind helps on occasion when she really gets a zinger on me like that ego one. That one actually was a well . . . yeah

Anyway now that I've found myself with an excess of time, I get to think . . . or go grab a smoke which I wouldn't in fact mind after the vicious foreplay I just experienced. Yes a cigarette sounds very nice indeed and ya wanna know the great part? I can smoke and think at the same time. Oh the joys of killing yourself. Time to leave while evading Kwest and the damn speech that's soon be to follow once he figured out my plan. Either that or he'd threaten to tell Jude and really I don't want her involved.

Let me regale you with the lovely story of when Jude caught me red handed with my second favorite stress reliever and the reason I will never try for a solo career. So anyway onto story time, Jude was being exceptionally difficult and I had a hangover. Later I found out it was more than her normal PMS, my asshole of a best friend told her about the sluty club rat I stole from him the night before and woke up to. Well I'm sorry but it's not my fault he hadn't gotten laid in a few months. Really I had nothing to do with that so he can't blame me for it. And anyway she was only talking to him in order to get to me.

Where was I going with this again? Right my jackass of a friend, henceforth I called him Kwest the traitor, decided to get some pay back by sending Jude to get me in the middle of my cigarette break. You see the thing is that despite all of her suspicions she never actually had proof and prior to that day I had Kwest's mouth wired shut. I'm only on my second drag when the door swung open to the alleyway and I hear a very loud, very angry, "What the fuck?" I would have sworn she had just walked in on me getting a blow job if I didn't know better. So of course she's glaring at me. Before I can even attempt to lie she starts, "You subterfuge, sadomasochist, smelly, stupid, not even whitening's gunna help your teeth, pyromaniac, future lung cancer patient, lying, dumb ass smoker!"

Where she learned some of those words I'll never know. After that I actually debated putting it out, but have I mentioned how hot she is when she's pissed? Well if I haven't she is, total wet dream fantasy girl. So I didn't and instead stole a line from the movie she had made me watch a few days before, "I take great pleasure in the fact that they may kill me before things get worse." That's about when she grabbed the waistband of my jeans, pulled me towards her and said, "I refuse to kiss smokers." And as she had me in shock she took my cigarette and threw it down the alley. "For future reference," and pulled the pack out of my pocket.

Ever since that day I rarely smoke. I mean yeah I've got a pack here, one at my house, but those are stress related. Especially the one here. Jude may be the reason I've almost quit but she's also the reason I continue to replenish my resources. I forgot to mention I've made it to the alley already, just kinda walked out. So now I am pulling out my sanity, the good ole zippo, I should really name him. Now I'm set.

Jude's probably off complaining to Sadie about me unless she's off servicing Liam under the table. This one time Sadie told Jude about our little board meeting thing where Liam happened to be acting way too normal, like human being normal. Well see we all knew that for ourselves and we all took it as a sign of the apocalypse, but what we didn't know was why. You see Sadie to put it bluntly jacked him off under the table with his pants on in the middle of Jamie's A & R report. I refuse to ever sit in that chair ever again.

Anyway if Sadie's being Liam's whore, Jude can always go to Portia. When those two formed the Quincy bashing club I can't remember but I do know that shockingly enough despite the fact that I was actually married to Portia, Jude's a much better basher. She's more intimate some how. My god my life could be like that movie John Tucker Must Die. I can totally see some girls ganging up on me like that. Portia can be a not as hot version of Ashanti and Jude would definitely be Brittany Snow cause she's the tease and Jude, let's all say it together, is a tease.

She'd make a good stripper. She could pull off the whole tantalizing thing but I'd definitely have to buy her a chest. I personally think she's perfect but in a strip joint the bigger the tits the bigger the tips. I think they actually have that written over the dressing room doorway. She could be the naughty librarian or teacher. Oh the possibilities . . . . I really gotta get her that stripper aerobics.

So it's basically a guarantee I'm gettin ass tonight. I can't believe Jude said that to intern better yet that intern responded that way. Birth control does make me happy. I always feel a little bit safer. Is it wrong that I'm a little more excited about how Jude's gunna react tomorrow? Maybe I'll really piss her off tomorrow. Pick her up in the morning, have her coffee and everything but steal intern's bra or something and leave it in the car for her to find. That would really fuck with her head. That's when she gets real freaking amusing. She tries to harp on me for jealousy yet she can act that way to intern and that's ok. Again with the double standards. It's just not fair to me. She holds all the power and outside of the rare bedroom experience I do not like to be dominated.

As I exhale I realize it's about that time, damn I hate it when cigarettes go out. I make my way back inside and find Jude with not only Portia, but Sadie too. Look my fan club is assembled. "Hey girl." "What Dick?" Guess she's still not happy with me, "I could really use you right about now," in many many ways. The explicit ones on the top of the list. "Save the condom in your wallet for tonight cause birth control isn't always so affective." Oh haha let's have my exs laugh at me cause I still have sex. "How would you know? Thinking about finally losing that virginity?"

"Only if you promise to give me a few pointers," she sneers. Only if I get to do the corrupting my dear. "What kind of guy do you think I am?" Cause I am that guy, you all know I'm that guy and the public for the most part thinks I may still be that guy. You know my public image has actually become much better since Jude. Most of my time in the tabloids is shared with her. We make such a cute couple. We are Jommy. "You're a dick." "Oh Jude you know I prefer prick." The corners of her lips are tugging up. She's trying to fight it, but she's losing the battle.

"But we can discuss that in the studio. Maybe even write a song about Tom Quincy the sex god with intimacy issues." Now she's actually smiling, I win. "I was thinking something more along the lines of a song called like 'Dick Thinking' or something like that," she says as she gets up and advances towards me. As she passes me she whispers, "You've been smoking. Guess there won't be repeats of this morning anytime soon." And as she once again walks away I resort back to my whiny two year old ways, "But Jude . . . ."


	19. Decisions, Decisions

Chapter 18: Decisions, Decisions 

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Come on that's so not fair and totally uncalled for. Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty? "Quincy your boy band pout isn't gunna get you anywhere." "But you have no proof." Turning suddenly she doesn't look me in the eye but stares at my mouth, "So you mean to tell me if I kissed you right now your mouth wouldn't taste like an ashtray?"

"Ya know what? Never mind, I thought you actually had faith in me," I say as I pull away and push past her. See how I turned that around on her? Now who's the jackass? I mean if she can't believe in me why not sleep with intern? Yes I do realize she actually is in fact right but that doesn't matter. What matters is I should have the benefit of the doubt. Like say she finds a bra in my apartment. She shouldn't assume the girl's in my room or that it's even recent for that matter. But from experience I know that'll never happen.

Jude would pick up the bra, say something like, "Couldn't keep it in your pants for one night!" in a mixture of incredulity and anger. Then she'd proceed to question me as to where my fling was. Was she coyote ugly? Did I need Jude to scare off a clinger? All of it would be more mocking than actually helpful. But damn if she was willing to do that, I'd be set. Then I leave a note to my one night stand and leave with Jude or send Jude for coffee and get that girl out so fast she still thinks she's drunk from the night before, which she very well may be, before Jude returns.

I meant what I said, I speak from experience. Look here comes my friend without benefits. "Quincy if I straddled you right now I wouldn't find a zippo in your pocket?" "You would but you'd also find I was happy to see you," I respond with a smirk. The thing about me and her is that we're so playfully sexually charged that we can't help but wanna smile even when we're trying to be serious. Like now for example, she's dying to smile,"Perv." Throwing my hands up in the air, "What I'm only being honest. You know I always carry my zippo around." "You know that's not what I'm talking about," she says shaking her head to try and hide the smile on her lips.

"Really I don't, but you can find out for yourself. I just gotta clean off my chair." I motion to my pile of intern's number and Jude scowls. See there's gotta be something seriously wrong with me. I just brought up intern but I'm not sure why. "Well screw the chair Tom let's just lay down right here and have sex, make sure you're up to par for your skank tonight." Oh yeah that's why. Not only do I get fantasy material but she gets this thing in her eyes. I could spend the rest of my life trying to figure out what it is and never succeed.

"Don't be mean. I could always ask her if she has a brother for you. Or maybe a friend, I wouldn't mind seeing some girl on girl action tonight." Oh here comes the anger again," Go jack off on the couch, dick." She's never gunna forget that is she? She's walking towards the sound proof booth to go and actually work, "I highly doubt it'll take too long anyway," she mutters. "I heard that!" I call after her. I'm so offended I'm only gunna stare at her ass for half the time! "Good then I suggest when you proposition the couch, use the words quick and painless."

Well just to let you know I wouldn't even have to proposition the damn thing! And I have endurance let me tell you. Not only one shot endurance but all night endurance. My nights have multiple rounds. My partners need so much energy I've got Gatorade trying to figure out a way to hydrate them!

Ok so it's been like five hours and she still hasn't left that room. Not only that but the one time I tried to turn on the intercom and listen to her. She saw the light. Her response to that was let's just call it violent. Kwest comes and goes, makes fun of me, brings me sustenance, the regular. I actually was falling asleep in my chair when she threw her pen at the glass separating us. I guess this is my punishment or something. But I'm sorry if I've been a bad boy I'd much rather be spanked or tied up naked with her poised and ready to tease me.

Jude couldn't be a dominatrix. Although on occasion she's jaded and actually incredibly cynical when it comes to love, she's still so sweet looking and loving. Maybe the red hair could have helped her out. I think she's more of a vixen with it. Either way she's totally bone-able.

Maybe that's just what me and her need. We just need to fuck each other. Rid ourselves of the sexual tension, release all our frustrations. Only that wouldn't work cause there's big differences between being fucked, having sex and making love. And she honestly, since she's a virgin, she should really have the love making. She deserves that. I however have never done that. I've got the tendency to fuck and run. It can kinda leave a girl feeling used, unless of course that's what she's looking for. Which in that case can be some of the most fun you'll ever have, very gratifying.

Before I can delve into my memories Jude finally leaves the booth. "You have a choice Tommy, either we record this song tonight and pull an all nighter or you go out with your intern, who's fully stacked with silicon and STDs, and come back tomorrow with god knows what. Your choice." I look at her and she's dead serious. What the hell happened in that room?


	20. Always Jude

Chapter 19: Always Jude 

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"I choose you every time." She looks kinda taken aback and now she's smiling. Guess I done good. "Ok well let me go grab some food and water and I'll be right back." How could she think I wouldn't choose her? I always pick her . . . well that and Kwest brought me the message from Darius saying that we better have a hit tomorrow morning since we screwed up his meeting. Basically tonight is all about penance and Jude. Better go find intern, she's not gunna be happy.

Maybe we can reschedule, she knows how Darius can be. Maybe she'll even feel bad for me and I dunno try to make me feel better with sexual goodness. Or maybe Jude'll think that this shows like my devotion to her an she'll want to show her thanks by giving me head or something. Asking for her virginity would be a little too much. Ya know? Well at least for misleading her into thinking I'm only staying tonight for her. Maybe another time though. See I do have a conscience.

There's intern, "Hey in-er-Madison." I swear to god she stops and turns around slowly in a completely predatory way. When did I become the hunted? "Yeah Tom?" "I've got a little situation. You see Darius wants a hit by tomorrow morning and I've gotta stay and mix tonight with Jude. Se we can't go out tonight." The smile on her face never even falters once, she should do media training. "Late night in the studio? That's alright, we'll have a late night of our own soon enough," and she kisses me on the cheek before leaning up to my ear, "I promise." Not as good as Jude, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't enjoyable.

What is with girls doing that anyway? Jude's done that at least like three times today alone, now intern? Why do women assume that, that little gesture is gunna be so seductive? It is for me but I remember Chaz hated it cause he'd end up giggling like a school girl cause he's ticklish. maybe it's because most females enjoy the ear/neck/shoulder thing so they assume we do. Yeah well all females like things inserted in them, but you don't see me wanting anything inserted in me below the waist! Men and women are very different.

As I make my way back to Studio 1, I realize there really is a certain, I dunno quality needed if you're gunna be suggestive. Intern ( I can't believe I almost called her intern instead of her name) really is pretty good at it I must admit. Then again there are those who are exceptionally bad at it and things come across completely disgusting and weird. Same thing can happen when people talk dirty in bed. Like that one joke by Dane Cook, damn is he hilarious. But yeah my dick feels like corn on the cob? What the fuck is up with that? Why would you even think that? It's like the merging of band camp and farm kids. Sue and Darius should definitely look into that.

"Did you know a hummingbird's heart beats 1,400 times a minute?" This is what greets me when I enter the studio. Not Jude in a corset, thong and garters saying 'Unexpected sex is the best' but freaking Kwest with a damn Snapple cap in his hand. "And when is that ever gunna help me in life?" "I dunno maybe Jude'll like you better if you were smarter." Oh yeah cause that's my problem, a lack of random stupid facts. "Why are you here?" "Jude was talking about how complex you are. Something about one minute you're an ass then the next you're perfect? So I was wondering what line you pulled on her?"

Why is it that even my best friend thinks I'm up to no good? Will no one give me the benefit of the doubt? "She said choose between her song and the intern. I chose her." He's laughing, do you realize how often people laugh at me? They say laughter's the best medicine. Maybe I should change careers. Get a job at a hospital. They've got lots of beds in there and that embodies two of the most important things in my life. Not only that but if working in a hospital is anything like those medical shows I'm so gettin laid, even during work. If Seattle Grace can have a syph epidemic I'm so set, cause imaginary Jude was right unexpected sex is the best. Shit I'm not paying attention, "What'd you say?"

"I asked if Jude knew that Darius was demanding a song by tomorrow?" "You mean to tell me that coincidentally Darius has demanded a song after I already told Jude I pick her? Well didn't that just work out nicely?" "You never cease to amaze me." "Normally women are panting that out but I guess in this case it's not supposed to be a compliment, now is it?" Kwest just shakes his head, see sometimes I am right. "Out of curiosity how do you think Jude's gunna react when she finds out?" Silly silly Kwest you should know by now, "You just gave me the message," you're my wing man get it together.

"And what about intern?" There we go he's getting back into his proper place, "She's a very understanding girl. She just looks t it a my late night in the studio whereas tomorrow will be my late night with her." "You're such a player," well that's better than being called a man whore or a walking STD so I'm taking it as a compliment. "I'm just charismatic and good looking." "You just described the best politicians and game show hosts." Seriously I wonder how me and him are friends, who makes comparisons like that other than Kwest? "Man you're on of a kind." "Don't waste your A game on me." Oh please tonight won't be eventful, cause once I hit 18 dreams stopped coming true. Sad isn't it?

"Oh Kwest you know you're worth all my A game and then some," I reply sarcastically. "So that's who you were dreaming about this morning? You do realize though that I'm gunna have to tell Mason you're cheating on him." There she is in the doorway, the bane of my existence, looking as good as ever. You know I actually looked up bane once, just because I really wanted to know how to use it and cause Kwest said it and all I knew was that it was bad. But anyway bane means a fatal injury or ruin / a cause of death or ruin. Doesn't that fit her perfectly? Bane of my sex life, pride, mental health . . . the list goes on.

"Ha ha let's gay up Tommy cause he ws in a boy band." "Wrong, gayed up Tommy came from the boy band, bandana included.," she says on a laugh. "I saw more vagina than a gynecologist when I was in that band. So explain to me how you got a gayed up Tommy." "Simple when he went back to the bus he shared a bed with Chaz." She's got flippin answer for everything, it's time to make her stutter. "You didn't seem to think I was gay this morning." She's not blushing, why isn't she blushing? Dammit she's smirking, "Can't help it, I wanted my very own piece of Little Tommy Q."

You can have me all, right here, right now. Kwest would get the hint, hell he could watch if he wanted. Actually that'd be creepy. The same level of creepy that made us turn down the girl who wanted to have a threesome with the two of us. Can you imagine if we crossed swords? How fucked up would that have been? Disgusting! And as Freud said there are no accidents, which I learned from Entourage. Me and Kwest joke about it now but we could've ended up like Turtle and Drama. Although we both agree that I'm Vince and he's Eric. I guess that makes him the scrumptious little Irish man, which fit cause he did have that little crush on Sadie. Eww Siam sex, disgusting on a whole nother level. Now I'm shuddering.

"T what are you thinking about cause as entertaining as your faces are it's starting to get scary." Starting to get scary! It's been freaking haunting! "Three words man, Turtle and Drama." Kwest stands up and walks to the door, "What happens in Nebraska, stays in Nebraska." Solemnly I nod my head before he leaves and I turn to Jude who's now in Kwest's seat. "Do I even want to know?" "Even if you did, I can't break code, you heard him. It stays in Nebraska."

"Of all the exciting places, you two had to puck Nebraska? Why not someplace exotic like Brazil or at least Las Vegas considering it is their slogan?" Oh the drunk Brazilian triplets, "You wanna learn about Brazil?" She nods with suspicion in her eyes. I lean towards her and kiss both of her cheeks, then do it again. "I was told Brazilians kiss like that. The only other thing I know you gotta to your waxer for." The triplets were great teachers. "Tell me Quincy, what's next? My lesson on France?"


	21. Late Nights In The Studio

Chapter 20: Late Nights In the Studio 

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"I'd love to then you could take me on a field trip to Montana." She throws her head back and laughs, "You know now that you mention it I do believe the Testicle Festival is coming up in September." Jude has informed me of many things since I've known her but one of the most entertaining has to be about the Testicle Festival in Clinton, Montana. How she found out about it I don't want to know, but I'm glad she did. "I'll pay for us to go if you'll do the wet t shirt contest," I bargain with her. "Only if you participate in one of the nude competitions." I'm offended, she wants me to expose myself to all those people when all she's gunna do is have water poured on her shirt to make it see through?

"I'm paying and stripping? Seems a little backwards?" "I tell ya what, you actually eat some Rocky Mountain Oysters and we'll talk about a private wet t shirt contest." My first thought would of course be hell yes, I can handle a few oysters. Hell it'd probably turn out better if I did, they are aphrodisiacs. But you see a Rocky Mountain Oyster does anything but intensify your sexual drive, in fact it might leave you softer than Liberace at the Playboy Mansion. They're bull testicles that are beer battered and deep fried. I know cannibalism is eating another human but damn I'd feel like a male cannibal. I don't care if it's an animal, it' his manhood! But then of course since he's a man, he'd know that this was really for a good cause and he'd forgive me. The testicle gods would forgive me, right?

"But of course if you eat it and god forbid it did something to say your sex drive, I wouldn't be to blame." Play cool, "I don't know what you're talking about." "Please I've heard you and Kwest talk about the testicle gods all the time. Piss them off and everything from no sex to high blood pressure might occur." Even though she may have been reading my mind what does high blood pressure have to do with anything? "High blood pressure?" She's the only thing I know that's giving me high blood pressure. "You know it can lead to erectile dysfunction," she says like it's nothing. But my dear it is far from freaking nothing. One minute she's giving me the hard on the next she's giving me erectile dysfunction.

"What is this a test of whether you're worth it?" Smiling innocently, "Jude trying to bring some irony into your life." Oh yeah I need more going against me when it comes to her. "You're all about making me work for it, aren't you?" And the really sad art is I don't mean that in the dirty way, "That's right seduction doesn't work on me, I need actual prof." What more proof do you need than my lips on your neck and fingers dancing around your panty line? I assure you, you won't be disappointed.

"Though I adore our playful banter and vacation planning we really should work on my song." You'd think since I'm the producer I'd be the one on task, but no. I have other priorities like servicing my artist. "I guess we could if that's what you really wanna do?" She scoffs, well damn don't get huffy with me, "No Tom I just asked you to stay to keep you away from sex on legs." Well actually I could see jealous Jude doing that like it's no big thing. Sex on legs? What is that like muskrat on a stick? Do they also have that at Grizzlebees? "No comment, now show me what you've got."

"Oh you know just a little ditty about stupid horny boys." "But SME's not in today," I say with an innocent smirk. "They did but the stupidest horniest boy still remains." She must be confused cause I am a man, thank you very much. "And Quincy don't think you're a man either cause you're far from it." I hate it when she does that! And I am all man, go ask intern she knows. As a matter of fact every woman on the god damn planet knows except for her. You my little Harrison are just in denial. Deflating my ego is the only way for you to keep any semblance of self control when I'm around. Who needs college, I've got Kwest!

"Just sing your song girl." You know I think I like telling her off in my head better. I get to rant, she doesn't interrupt. I can be blunt, she can't get mad. Yeah telling her off in my head is a lot more fun. And I gotta clarify no I am not a woss or a pussy or anything like that, I am simply lazy. I have a tendency to go towards the path with less resistance 99.99 of the time, bad memories. Two things that should never be allowed together are Jude and Alanis Morissette. Let's just say that for awhile every time Jude seen me she'd either sing, scream or quote Wake Up. Hell of an anthem aye? Have I mentioned she can be a bitch?

She's started her angry strumming it's catchy and like usual I'm enthralled. In all honesty I'm always enthralled by what's coming out of her mouth, on second thought maybe it's just the mouth. But back to actually using my wonderful gift of hearing, "As you lay the latest in your bed can she smell the last one's scent or instead the one before that" Oh great now all she needs is to some how use 150 in there and I'll be set. You know I just love when her songs are blatantly against me. "No time to wash the sheets with all your late night needs," no more. God damn why couldn't she just have had a boyfriend or something recently, then this wouldn't be pinned on me. Watch it'll become the new anthem for her little I Hate Tom Quincy club. I swear this girl's been sent to this earth to make me pay for my sins.

She can't seriously be mad at me for my past or my present even. I am a single red blooded male or is it blue blooded? Oh well either way I am a man with needs and me and her are not together despite all the well everything. And to quote my favorite agent, 'there are no asterisks in this life, only score boards.' See you can use Entourage for everything, except that oe time I told Jude 'let's hug it out bitch' which I was then pummeled and screamed at or. Then I found out she had committed a sacrilege and have never seen it. So of course I forced her to watch it and she made me watch Grey's Anatomy, now we're both obsessed.

"So what do you think?" That you've gone too far. That you've officially killed any chance I had left of being considered capable of monogamy. Jealous and vindictive are two adjectives perfect for you. "It's raw and it's powerful, I like it." My new cover story, it's about Shay. She resurfaced it from after their break up cause it was too risky for her then, but now she's a more mature artist. You'd believe that right? Didn't think so, "But how about we work out some lyrical kinks and figure out some background beats. Maybe we would try it with electric guitar." She nods with that thoughtful look in her eyes considering my idea. Our all nighter is just beginning.

"Jude this song is about a jealous pissed off girl. Where's your anger?" We've been going at this for hours and she's just not getting it. Actually it's my fault cause I've been being a good boy and of course with my charm and smile she melts. "It disappeared when the fumes my body was running on ran out," she shoots back with a huff as she places her hands on her hips. Why couldn't she put that energy into the song? Alright I give up cause she's cute when she's frustrated and I'm hungry. "Why don't you go get us some dinner before we die?"

"You are someone's deity Tom Quincy." I'm glad she realizes I'm a sex god. "Since I'm going can I pick?" "There's not much to choose from considering the time but whatever you want." Smiling ear to ear, "Then we're having Mexican." Should've seen that one coming, she's been babbling about steak nachos for days. She leaves the booth and comes towards me with that walk of hers, "Are you gunna give me money?" "Are you willing to reach in my pocket and take it?" With a smirk of her own, "I'm afraid I won't find a gun in there."

Jude left a little while ago and now I'm sitting here listening to her various takes, tweaking things here and there. Basically doing all my perfectionist OCD thing for pre mixing before she gets back. She's got this tendency to tease me about them. Suddenly I feel hands on my shoulders. Then there's hot breath near my ear, "Do late nights make you hungry?" That's not Jude that's, "Madison?" Turning around there she is in all her glory minus the blazer she was in earlier, revealing her cami.

"Actually Jude just left to get dinner," I say. "Good cause I'm only here for dessert," she says right before her lips are on mine. She's not a bad kisser but it's all lust and I could care less as long as she's kissing me. She begins tracing my throat with her tongue as her body straddles mine. The next thing I know my shirt's over me head, covering the sound board and hers is on it's way.

Just as she's coming up from the floor and my eyes jerk open cause her mouth is no longer in contact with little Tommy I see the studio door wide open. Then steak nachos scattered across the floor, "WHAT THE FUCK!"


	22. Fuck

Chapter 21: Fuck 

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Nothing like getting caught screwing someone in the studio by the girl you were imagining. Struggling to untangle myself I tried to explain, "no uh, intern, she just . . . I was." "Just fucking her!" Jude screamed. As I was pulling on my boxers intern reached for my shirt to cover herself up and all hell broke loose. "Don't you dare put his fucking shirt on !" I try to approach her but she only backs away," Don't take another god damn step near me," then I felt my dinner make contact with my chest. "Shit that's hot!" "I hope it burns you, prick!"

Then I learned just how incredibly stupid G Major interns are, "Jesus it's just sex you jealous girlfriend wannabe!" That's when Jude lunged for intern, I caught her before her fist made contact with intern's face. "Woah girl, you gotta calm down." She got out of my grip rather quickly, "Keep your dirty fucking hands off me!" I can honestly say I have never seen Jude so pissed off and the enraged silence scares me shitless. She takes a deep breath before speaking deadly calm, "Put your slutty designer knock off rags on, clear out your cubby hole of an office, you are released from G Major. So get the fuck out." 

Now it was out turn to be shocked, intern started sputtering like there was no tomorrow, "But you can't, you're only an artist, Darius wouldn't." "Do you really wanna try me cause I can guarantee you no future in the music industry if you keep fucking with me. Now once again get out. And don't expect a reference." Watching her gather her shoes with tears in her eyes made me fear my future. When she walked past me I wanted to reach out and grab her just because I was to afraid of being left alone with Jude.

"You," here it comes, "do your fucking job and hit record." And that was it, she stormed into the recording booth slamming the door quite forcefully as I gaped at her. It feels like the quiet before the storm. "Are you now deaf in addition to being a whore? Get your act together jackass." I did exactly as she said and she sang.

Never in my entire life have I witnessed someone sing with so much anger and pain as right now. Her eyes were closed and I knew she was picturing me with intern. I watched as her knuckles turned white after clenching her hands in fists so hard it had to hurt. There will be no need for another take after this, it's emotionally charged perfection. It's one of those tragically beautiful moments you have in life and it scares me shitless. I can't tear my eyes away from her but as soon as hers open won't be able to anymore.

The final note came to a close and she took a sharp intake of breath. "You just . . . you just couldn't even try, could you?" She rips off her headphones and they hit the ground with aa bang,"Not even worthy enough of an attempt at hiding the truth?" "And with HER?"she knocked over the music stand in front of her sending papers flying everywhere.

"God damn she's faker than the nails she raked your back with! Ya know bull shit you pick me every time," she's started pacing with her arms thrashing around. "I'm fucking nothing to you. And you're the biggest son of a bitch I've ever met and I work in the god damn music industry!" Now she isn't even looking at me, "I'll never grasp what is standing between you and the world. I'll never understand how you can be such a heartless prick or how the life you lead is actually fulfilling." Where the fuck is this going? "At some point fucking G Major's latest intern isn't gunna do it for you anymore. Or better yet they're not gunna give you the time of day an all you're gunna be left with is a couple of illegitimate kids and a sexually transmitted disease."

That's it I don't care who or what she walked in on, "Fuck you!" She can;t tell me shit, she's just as fucked up as me. Be it I may have partially fucked her up, she still can't say shit. I storm into the room almost tripping over all the shit she's thrown everywhere. "I know you want to and that's one of the fucking problems. All that matters to you is the female anatomy and that you've claimed it!" "I sure as hell haven't claimed you!" I'm waiting for her to slap me, scream, yell anything and all she does is stare at me. It's completely unnerving.

"And what the fuck's wrong with me?"

I'm not sure if she can't or won't let herself cry but either way she's not and his isn't going how it should. She should cry, pound into my chest until she collapses and then we make up. It's supposed to be easy. She's not supposed to do this. "That much huh? Good to know." She ties to walk out but I can't let that happen, so I grab her arm. "Not too much." That's when I feel her fist make contact with my face, perfect shot to the eye. All I can do is stare at the wreckage of the studio.

I'm pretty sure I'm in shock. The side of my face hurts. I need to finish her song, clean this, get ice. Why am I not moving? Cause Jude just fucking punched me. I just got punched by Jude. The same Jude who just caught me and intern having sex in my chair while she was getting our dinner. I don't remember wanting to sit down but I sure as hell feel my ass make contact with the ground. I go to rub my temples but it hurts like a bitch on the right. What the fuck is going on?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

If I don't do something I'm gunna go absolutely insane. I never got ice so basically I'm gunna have a swollen face tomorrow. The song I need to mix it. Darius is gunna already be pissed at me, I don't need another thing against me. Is it bad I wanna go back to when she slapped me? Fuck then, how about just back to this morning? I was kissing her this morning, kissing her after spending the night at her apartment. This is so fucked up.

When you squeeze your eyes shut, who is it that you see, is it her or me?" I've never had a painful playback before, there's a fucking first for everything. I can't take it anymore and I punch the sound board. It skips ahead and I find out I recorded our argument. Her voice is past anger, sadness and exasperation, but I can't place what it sounds like. "What the fuck's wrong with me?" It's hatred.

I can't even remember my answer to her. All I know was she was leaving and I didn't want her to. What did I even say? "Not too much." Stupid! Moronic! Not too much! How fucking idiotic! Oh you know even though you're completely heart broken and upset I'll tell you all your flaws. Well you see sometimes you're a little too pale and not to mention your lack of a hearty bust. What a dumb fuck! Now I know why I got punched in the face.

Tomorrow morning is just gunna be oh so much fun. Oh hey yeah my black eye? yeah that's form Jude, an early birthday present. Why is intern gone? Well you see we were fucking when Jude showed up. Good guess but no that's not exactly why she punched me. SM? Not quite the reason why although she probably found it quite gratifying. Again no I didn't get it cause Jude was turned on and tried to start a three some. Yes that would have been a far better twist. Oh fuck me. 


	23. The Morning After

Chapter 22: The Morning After 

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"She's faker than the nails she raked your back with." Is it too much to ask to have a dreamless sleep! My life would be so much easier. This isn't my room, this isn't even my house. And this sure as hell ain't a pillow I'm laying on. "Man sounds like you had a rough night," I pick up my head and there's Kwest, "look's like it too." "Turn that damn thing off, I don't need to hear it again, I lived it." He took the seat next to me and told me with a mixture of arrogance and intelligence that, "But if I don't listen I won't be able to help you fix what you've done." Damn his common sense.

"While you listen to my downfall I'm going in search of aspirin." As I went to leave the room I realized something. If Kwest was here so could, "Jude's not here right?" "She's not coming in till one, if she even shows." Do you ever feel that need to scream at a person cause they're stating the dead blasted obvious. Well I do cause guess what I know I fucked up ok! I know she's pissed! I have proof for god's sakes, which would you like physical or audio?

I feel like shit and I know I look like shit, I don't need Darius' minions scurrying around whispering about me. I just wanna get the aspirin from my office and take about 20 so I can face Darius. He'll be so happy to know he got his stupid fucking song. And I'll tell him about intern, he'll ask questions, I'll lie, he'll use the internship to hold over some big wig's head as if he were doing a favor for their kid so big wig owes Darius a favor, and in Darius world like will be fucking peachy. The next intern better be a guy. Better yet a gay guy so not only will I not get in trouble but Jude can't seek revenge either. They're still fucking starring. "Yes ok it's a fucking black eye! You all can stop starring!"

"Mr. Quincy is there a problem?" Go screw your Harrison sister and, "leave me alone Liam." See I'm getting better at holding back, sorta. "Darius wants you in his office now." Oh good he's finally been promoted to the five star Big D's lackey, congratulations to him. "Ill be there in a minute." "No, now." There goes my aspirin. I really have no choice but to follow Liam and realize that majority of the G Major staff are dumb asses cause they've yet to stop starring. I wanna be Red Foreman right now and yell something about shoving my foot up all their asses.

We enter the lion's den and I wonder is it possible to get some type of poisoning from gold or other metals. Cause if you can Darius is in serious need of a check up and a redecorator. "Damn T, nice shiner." Oh good I was right about something, "Thanks you know I take so much pride in my black eyes." I have good hearing Liam knows this, so he knows I can hear him freaking snickering from behind me. Well you know what Liam, go fuck a duck. Better yet go buy a hooker to later on find out she's a transvestite.

"How'd you get it?" I feel like I'm back in the principal's office. Oh Mr. Mills don't worry I didn't get any blood on the sound equipment. "You know how feisty them Harrison women can be, aye Liam?" Take that, a burn and your he/she hooker's got a bigger dick than you! "Jude gave you that?" No the heavy weight champion of the world, "Yeah right before she stormed out. Oh by the way we have a new opening for an intern. The um, the one named uh, Ma-Madison, yeah that's it, she won't be setting foot in G Major, ever again." "What the hell happened in my studio last night?"

"I'm still not quite sure myself D." I haven't been home in two nights. What about my poor cat? Ok so I don't have a cat, but I do have fish. What about my poor fish! "Tell me you at least finished the song," D says on a sigh. I can't help it but I start laughing. With everything that happened last night, "One of her best to date." I'm seriously fucked up. "Good get me a copy pronto." I nod my head and leave. Not even out the door two seconds and my morning automatically gets worse, "Morning Patsy."

She's literally on top of me examining my eye. Is this seriously my work place, my life? She finally pulls back and starts nodding her head with a smile on her face, "She did good. Ya know I taught her everything she knows?" This is something Patsy'd get sentimental about. Where is she? What'd she say to you? Is she coming in today? Should I expect another black eye? All things I'd like to ask but can't cause I don't care that much. I'm cool and I'm right, we weren't and aren't together. So I settle with, "How is she?" "Why should I tell you?" Cause I wanna know, maybe I'm even a little bit worried. "I'm curious," I say with a shrug of my shoulders.

"You're like the guy who shot the Easter Bunny and was executed by Santa's reindeer and no one cares whether you got a fair trial or not." "What the fuck does that mean?" She's certifiably insane. What kind of warped mind even thinks of that? "It means you get no sympathy pretty boy. You fucked up big time or maybe just fucked big time, I don't know." She starts to walk away, "By the way I haven't decided who your reindeer executor would be. It's a toss up between Vixen with her irony or Blitzen cause he seems the toughest." Good to know.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

Jude has yet to make an appearance, Darius loved the song, more people have starred, found out I was out of aspirin and now Kwest is making my head pound even more. "Of course I realize she's pissed. I'm not a complete dumb ass, but the thing is me and her aren't together and never were. What part of that am I wrong about?" "You're not wrong just an asshole." For supposedly being such a good friend he sucks, not only does he call me names but he hasn't even asked me what I think about what she said about my future. He's the asshole, not me.

"Would you just tell me what I need to do to fix this." Come on be the play maker here. I need this to survive. My life is being threatened by crazy ass Patsy and her executioners Vixen and Blitzen. "I can't." "Why the fuck not!" Oh no here comes philosophical Kwest.

"Cause you can't just 'fix' this, especially when you'll probably just end up hurting her again." Why do you assume I'm always gunna be the bad guy? "You two are something else and despite everything those of us on the outside of the Tommy Jude triangle, which is much like the Bermuda one, can't label what it is even if we have our suspicions." Well tell me your suspicions and maybe I can work with them. "You gotta figure out what you want, kiss her ass till she'll speak to you again, then talk to her about what she wants and figure out if you both want the same thing."

"I thought you said you couldn't give me a plan." "Had to point you in the right direction first or else you'd just whip out your Slut vs. Virgin score card and use that." He knows me too well. "Now tell me how was intern?" I could have a heart attack during sex and as soon as I was declared stable he'd ask me how it was. "Not worth getting caught by Jude, but definitely good." 


	24. Bananas

Chapter 23: Bananas

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Sometimes things just don't go how they're supposed to. And the funny thing is, is that, that can piss you off more than anything else. Like for instance say if today I walked in and never acknowledged what happened between me and Jude last night, if I just kept on teasing her and flirting. She'd be pissed. There's supposed to be steps in an argument. We're both supposed to look like shit. Especially her cause she should cry. She should look like the walking fucking dead, cause I look like I slept on a sound board last night for a whole two hours. And I've got a god damn black eye!

There's supposed to be brooding and yelling, this is all normal. Let me tell you what's not normal. Not normal would be Jude coming in on time, hair done and smiling. And even more than that not being normal is that it's also un-fucking-fair. She's not allowed to walk in with long glowing legs in a cut off jean skirt minus her leggings. Or wear that tight faded tee that rides up just right so that there's a strip of her skin showing. She's not allowed to look fucking hot.

I realize right now I've got the whole rugged bad boy look going on, that girls' find sexy. But I don't care how bad ass you are a black eye does absolutely nothing for you. I just don't understand how she's being the way she is. Walking in, ignoring me, talking to everyone else. Dare I say it, hurting me? Wow almost 3 decades on earth and I don't think I've ever felt this before. Never thought someone could actually affect me this much. Look at that I'm growing up, grams would be so proud.

"Man are you just gunna keep playing this back over and over again?" I thought he left for lunch. "There's something about it that's making me do it." Maybe I should try this honesty thing more often. "Is it the only way you can connect to her and listen to her voice nice she's not speaking to you. Or maybe it's because you like hearing yourself crash and burn like it's this horrific train wreck you just can't tear your eyes away from." You can always count on Kwest to be incredibly descriptive. "Maybe but I think it's something else."

"You know the argument flows so well with he song." That's it. They go together. Cut this audio, drag it to the beginning. Take that last part for the ending, link it all together. "It's done." "You've officially gone insane." why does no one just trust me, "Just shut up and listen." I hit playback of the newly mixed song. So he's listening now, I am too but you know it's stupid yet, is it too much to ask for someone to just take my actions on faith. I don't even have one person who has faith in me. Closest one I've had was her and I'm listening right now to how I've completely alienated her. Fuck. At least it's a kick ass song. That's all you can really ask for right?

"I take back ever thinking you were insane," wait for it, "at least for the most part." Always good to know where you stand with your friends. "One day my god status will actually be complete." I sarcastically reply. "I don't quite think it's the time for you to be boosting your ego, you were just verbally castrated." And see I thought I was just diseased and waiting for my reindeer executioner. Shouldn't your friends know when you're being sarcastic? "Whatever, where's Jude?"

"You're not actually gunna try and talk to her are you?" No I'm just asking so I can have a complete outline of her day for later stalking purposes. "Just tell me will ya." Probably not the best way to get information out of someone but you'd be surprised just how well intimidation really does work. "Man I don't wanna see that girl cryin." "She won't cry," in fact she probably won't even acknowledge me. Maybe she'll get all riled up. She's hot when she's sweaty and flushed. Then we can like attack one another. She'll be hungry for me. We'll be mauling each other and I'll really make her hot and sweaty.

"I said hospitality. Are you even here right now?" I wasn't, "I got it." I'm walking out the door when his freaking voice is heard again," And don't come back with another black eye." Fuck you and that's exactly what I told him using my longest, most centered finger. You could really consider it the fuck finger, because seriously the places it has been. I drop off the demo for Darius, he bitches about it taking long enough. I leave his office then flip him off through the door. And no I'm not actually a pussy. I just don't feel like losing my girl and my job all in a matter of a few hours.

I see her and Mason laughing about something. "That's like a threesome gone horribly wrong. Kwest so doesn't deserve that, neither does Liam for that matter." Mason starts talking now, "And your poor sister thought she got away disease free, only to ave her little sex buddy bring one back after being mauled by the walking STD." What the fuck are they talking about? "Actually I think it as closer to rape. He raped them, there is no consideration where that fiend is concerned." Kwest was raped? What? "It probably all goes back to those days on a tour bus. They all probably shared the same bed." "Why do you think the band broke up? Someone was a little too selfish when it came to solos and blow jobs." What band is she talking about? "We should write a book," Mason's getting real excited about this prospect, nodding his head and all this crap. "Yeah and we'll make millions, start our own record label and then you can get a new producer and never have to deal with man whore ever again."

Man whore, producer, "HEY!" Why do I always open my mouth? "Didn't your mother ever teach you not to listen to other people's conversations Tommy?" Shut up Mason, "His mother didn;t teach him a lot of things." My mother was and is outstanding, don't you dare bring her into this. I never caught my mother screwing anyone on my family couch, growing up. Suck it up, don't say anything mean, "You look very nice today Jude." Good job, compliments always work, "Fuck you," or not. "Come on Jude talk to me . . . I finished your single." I cannot believe I almost just pleaded with her. Rule number one never beg and plead, they don't want you, you don't want them. Where are my principles? Jude leans over and whispers something to Mason, "jude will listen to it with Darius while you go discuss with Kwest how drunk you will be getting this evening and how many random girls you will be screwing," you know what, "oh and make sure to have some fingering on the dance floor, a quickie in the bathroom and then one at home. Wouldn't want you to pretend you actually cared about a girl."

Try to keep your voice down, try not to yell, don't be too rash, "AND WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?" Jude's eyes just flashed, shit. "IT MEANS YOU'RE A COLD, HEARTLESS BASTARD WHO DESERVE TO GET GANGRENE ON HIS DICK SO IT'LL BE CHOPPED OFF!" And cause of course the freaking drama queen Jude is out she goes and storms off. Mason goes to follow her, "Real good, that's some great progress you made." Oh is that supposed to be sarcasm? "Well at least she freaking spoke to me!" Fuck! I sink down into her empty seat and bang my head against the wall. It hurts so good. Dammit, it smells like her. Of course today she wears my favorite perfume. I need to talk to Kwest.

"That's it, tell me what I gotta do." Kwest turns his head and stares at me. He doesn't say anything for awhile then suddenly with an absolutely blank face, "Masturbate." Huh? "You know jerk the gherkin, polish the raised septur of love, fly solo in the cock pit." "I know what the hell masturbation is jackass, but how does it help me other than releasing stress and enhancing my immune system?" Every guy should know the in and outs of masturbation and every little boy should receive a lecture or you could end up like poor Kwest who got a rash. Not everything can be used for lube, little Kwest didn't know. The best lube is lube, but sometimes you just don't got it. So then you can go for olive oil, moisturizer, honey (works well with the ladies too, it's a tasty treat) spit, butter, hair conditioner and Vaseline. Use Vaseline and your willie can be as smooth as Tyra Bank' face.

"Man stop thinking about my trip to the emergency room or i won't help you," even now he's still touchy. "I'm listening, now explain how a rub down will help me." "Simple no sex." --------------------------------------------- that's what one would call no brain activity for two minutes. "No sex?" As in like no sex no sex or Clinton's no sexual relations? "No more one night stands, quickies, storage closet sessions or taxi cab confessions." But what, wait, "Actually no physical female interaction at all." "What the hell happened to you not helping me!" He laughs, he actually laughs at me, "I heard Jude yelling all the way in here." I guess the staff's put two and two together by now.

I fall into my chair an glare at Kwest, "So you're telling me that no sex will get Jude to forgive me." "Not at all, it'll just put things into perspective." She better be worth it. "Any recent developments in the field of masturbation?" There better be something cause Jude's bringing me all the way back to freaking adolescence wet dreams, jerk socks and all. "Actually yeah, bananas." What the fuck? "Peel a banana, eat the banana, throw it out whatever. Take the peel slip your Johnson in there and go at it. It's already lubricated and makes a nice catch all." Bananas, "Seriously?" bananas. "Oh yeah and warm it up in the microwave for like 10 seconds. It's the closet thing to head you're gunna be gettin for awhile." So from couches to bananas aye?


	25. It's The End of The World

Chapter 24: It's The End of The World

"Kwest you gotta come with me." I've been complaining and begging him for like 20 minutes. "Why don't you ask like Sadie to come with or something?" Because Sadie has one heavy ass purse that hurts like hell. It's freaking hard too. "Do you not remember the little incident we had in the hallway?" God I've been like the star of a fucking soap opera today. G Major Lusts. Actually that sounds more like a porno. I'm all for a G Major porn. "Oh her storming in and in-between whacking you with her purse cussing you out?" No when she bowed before me and kissed my feet. "Of course that." I swear he's like an idiot savant or something. Anyway, Sadie sorta heard about last night and you know Jude can never just be pissed herself, there's always someone else doing her dirty work whether it's me, Jamie or Sadie.

"Ok maybe she was a little mad but I'm pretty sure if you just asked she'd . . . well ok what about Mason?" Though he is under suspicion, "He's still mad at me too." On top of that I don't really wanna explain to Mason why I need to buy her a new couch. That's what I'd call awkward. Though of course Jude's probably already told him. She's a nefarious one that girl. Yes I know what nefarious means. I also know that all my amorous feelings are going to be a lot harder to deal with these days.

"Why don't you get one of the nice little helper girls to help you?" Because I'd like to not mess up my whole no sex thing. I've gone a whole 32 hours since I agreed to solo performances, thank you very much. "Because I really could do without their help." Conveying one's message is all about stressing the right words. And because not only am I incredibly expressive and articulate but I would also make an excellent actor, Kwest understands what I mean. "Can you not do anything by yourself," excuse me have I not invested in a fresh produce card?

I'd use my puppy dog look right now but well Kwest isn't Jude or any female for that matter. Jude is in fact able to ignore my wounded puppy face on occasion, but only when she's really pissed. Hence I am still being ignored. She's off 'writing' her next song, but we all know I've already inspired yet another catchy ballad or angry rock song. In fact she's probably already on song number 5 by now, so basically she's just avoiding me which is cool cause it's not like I wanna talk to her anymore. At least I don't wanna talk to her until she ya know well acknowledges me without screaming or calling me any of the various pet names she's come up with lately.

"Just come with me, please?" I'm starting to get annoyed now, probably cause I thought about Jude and well that doesn't bode very well lately. That could mean something, maybe I need a therapist. I can lay on her couch and pour out my soul. Then she'll come closer to me and I can watch her long legs come towards me in the black heels. As she leans over me to tell it's all alright her button can come undone. I'll reach up to help her and she'll shake her head and all her blonde curls will come tumbling down. Dammit when was the last time Jude dressed up all businessy? I need her in heels and a button up blouse now.

"Fine I'll go with you but we get this done tonight." Thank god! "Hey when they deliver it can you make sure she's like there." "Can we find a damn one first and maybe possibly get our artist in here?" Always so logical, how are me and him friends? "You want her then go get her," cause I sure as hell can't handle another purse beat down or a tongue lashing form Jude. That last one you would think would be fun, but it's not.

"Either get Jude or have Sadie page her to the Studio or I'm not going with you to replace your new girlfriend." Fuck off I tell ya. "Where are the erogenous areas on a couch T?" I'd rather battle with Jude or be abused by Sadie then start this conversation, so I walk out. Now which is the lesser of two evils? Jude, Sadie, Jude, Sadie . . . Slut, Virgin, Slut, Virgin. I never did finish my game now did I? 5 points awarded to virgin cause Jude flipped her nachos. Hmm Sadie's behind a desk so her positioning for a sudden attack would be difficult whereas Jude could openly throw something at me . . . . goin with Sadie. Heh maybe I'll luck out and she'll be gettin serviced at our service desk. Ok so it's a receptionist desk, it just sounded better. maybe it should have been 'directed to her orgasm at the receptionist desk' eh either one's dirty.Ok right not thinking about Sadie's female parts, don't even look at her. Pretend she's not even there, stare past, "Can you page Jude to Studio B, thanks." Don't look, don't look, dammit you looked. Who knew her nose could flare like that? "Why should I force her to go to a room with a lying diseased egotistical perverted man whore cad like yourself?" Remember the purse, the bruises are starting to form, be nice. "Because it's her job." That's right be strong, she gave up kick boxing for yoga years ago. "If that was her job she'd be a prostitute. Are you calling my sister a whore?" This is not going well, "No no that's not what I said, I know Jude's a virgin."

Wow her nostrils really can flare, she looks like a raging bull. "What does it matter if she's a virgin or not? Unless you're planning on popping my baby sister's cherry? And if you are you sure as hell went about it the wrong way with fucking the intern and all," she says with a snare. Sadie can snare like no other, her and Liam must have a lot of hot angry sex. "I am not talking about this now, so just page Jude to Studio B." Sometimes you just gotta lay down the law. "Get her yourself." Does my life always have to be so damn hard? "Sadie you are the receptionist I am your boss now do what I say." "No Tommy you're the guy who I'm lucky I didn't get gonorrhea from, the guy who has broken my sister's heart more times than I can count and the guy who's lucky to still be walking right now." I'm not sure what that last part means but it sounds unpleasant.

"What are you still standing here for? She's out in the alley." Dammit of all places. I need a cigarette. I don't get it ya know? She's so pissed off at me, but why? Why does she get to be mad at me? She completely played me the other morning getting me excited over nothing. Making it very clear I wasn't what was right for her, I was just a conquest. Let's see how uncomfortable I can make Tommy today. So why the fuck is she so pissed? It makes no sense. And now on top of all the idiotic shit she has been doing she's out in the alley. Come on now, the alley? That's just asking for deja vu and heartbreak. I peek around the side of the door and there she is crouched by the stars. Is that? No it can't be. Jude Harrison's not "Smoking!"

"Fuck Quincy," this can not be happening. "Put that out right now." "And waste the money you spent on it, never." Everything is falling apart around me. Is this some twisted version of my previous universe? "You need to be in the studio recording." She blows out a puff of smoke and begins coughing,"I haven't written anything." Liar, "That's bull and you know it." Everyone knows it in fact. Because Jude is emotional and her emotional self is what makes her music, drama gets her creative juices flowing. "Quincy the world does not revolve around you. Just because you're a slut doesn't mean I have a song about you. You're barely my partner. You're not my inspiration. You're not anything. You're absolutely nothing."

I feel like I just got punched in my gut, the wind knocked out of me. "Right well put those back when they're done and um I'll just see you tomorrow." As I turn to leave I can swear I hear her mumble 'right don't even fight for me.' As soon as I'm on the other side of the door I slump down and bang my head. Things have to get better. I have to work things out. She can't hate me. I need to go furniture shopping.


	26. The Couch Has Feathers

Chapter 25: The Couch Has Feathers

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Whoever said hell was hot was an idiot, cause I'm sorry but I'm freezing my ass off in Canada right now and I'd consider this to be hell. In a past life I must have been one hell of an evil prick to deserve my treatment now. I have exactly ten minutes left before I can go and get away form her. Now in reality if I can't stand her why I'm going to buy her a new couch would be a good question. But in my mind everything makes perfect sense. I'm not buying her off like she's a whore or something as much as Sadie would like that to be the case. By the way in this hell Sadie is one of the devils. I am purchasing a couch as a gesture of peace and good standing. And who said I wasn't a good guy? Don't answer that.

So Kwest basically is playing go between right now, cause I swear to Johnny Cash if she didn't look so damn hot when she was pissed off and I wasn't such a gentleman I would've given her a matching black eye. "Dude she's not singing this song anymore." Shit, "But it's not good enough yet." Dammit sometimes I wish she would stop pulling the freaking diva card when she's pissed at me. No wonder they say you shouldn't date your coworkers. "Fuck it, Jude stop and go home. We'll work on this tomorrow."

Oh lord she's ripped her headphones off, "First off I don't need your attitude or profanity, go take care of your blue balls and second I'm not gunna be here tomorrow." I have a dirty mouth!? I have a dirty mouth!? Please she's go the dirtiest mouth and I don't mean that in a sexual way. "Good them maybe when you come back you won't still be menstruating and I'll be able to deal with you again." Probably could have chosen a better way of saying that but well that just wouldn't be my style now would it? I only charm my way into girls' pants and out of trouble.

As you can imagine Jude huffed out of the studio all pissed off and hot. Honestly if all the interns weren't so afraid of her right now I think one of them would have asked what crawled up her ass and died. "Come on man let's hurry up and clean cause I need her back to her normal only semi-psychotic hostile self." I swear there's still about ten percent of that girl I can't handle.

"No I do not think leather would be a good idea, unless of course Jude was wrapped in it as a dominatrix." And I actually thought this guy was gunna be helpful. "But it's so cool." He did not just say that, "Just give up already if things go as planned sex will be happening on that couch and sec on a leather couch is not comfortable, far too sweaty and sticky." And he would have known that had he ever had sex in a car, like that one girl's. Damn she was hot but no he had to be all monogamous. Mind you his girlfriend of the time was in fact cheating on him too. Kwest's had a bit of a rough life when it comes to romance and sex.

"Man the old ladies are starring at you," where's Jude when you need her to give one of her infamous eye rolls? "Kwest they don't care about me, they're gawking at you and the couch." Let your mind run rampant with images of that. "Fine what about the flowery one over there?" he says as he gets up and straightens his clothes. The couch he's talking about is freaking hideous as all hell, maybe I shouldn't have asked him to come along.

"Excuse me sir would you like some help?" Shit no, "We're fine thank you." Why does she have to be so hot, "Are you sure cause I'm positive you could use my assistance." No sex, no sex, no sex in public places. She's just being helpful. Helpful in her short skirt and cute blonde curls. "Kwest um talk to her about your couch you like, while I go somewhere else." Kwest needs to get laid anyway, I'm helping him not myself.

Right now I'm buying Jude a couch and not thinking about the hot sales girl who so could have been a potential fuck. In fact she might've made it onto my list of top five places where I had sex in public. I always wanted to go at it in the middle of a store. In the display bed, under the covers. Adrenaline and sexual gratification, the only rushes you'll ever need. Although alcohol can be quite enjoyable.

Ugly, ugly, too hard, too girlie, too small. Why is this so complicated? I just want a comfortable couch that is a solid color wwithout it being too big or small or leather, despite Kwest's protests. Oh great here comes the leather freak himself, "So how much you shellin out for that couch the lovely sales girl just sold you." "The only thing she got out of me was a date," he says so triumphantly as he waves the girls number in front of my face. Maybe Kwest suggested masturbation for other reasons not so helpful for me.

So last night I was thinking about the whole ramifications of not having sex with anyone for awhile. And the more I thought about it the more it reminded me of being committed. That's right somehow without realizing it I've gotten myself committed to a girl without talking to her or screwing her. There is something seriously wrong with that picture and with these couches. What kind of store did Kwest drag me to? Back to my stupid commitment, I'm not so sure I want that. I mean yeah I'm buying her a couch that we'll hopefully christen till it breaks and she's gorgeous and yeah I kinda like her. I definitely lust after her and I know there's infatuation, but I'm not moving in with her or something. So giving up sex for her, yeah not so sure that's a good idea. Men's goal in life is to spread their seed. So in reality we're genetically programmed to screw as many people as possible. Promiscuity is not our fault, we are simply doing what was told to us by nature. I'm an animal and the girls love it. Growl.

"Hey Kwest take a look at this one." It's perfect, solid color, bouncy and comfortable. if I talk anymore I'm gunna end up sounding like Goldie Locks and then I would be scaring myself cause well I'm no drag queen. Though you know who did dress up like one for one Halloween, Darius. That was some funny shit. He was basically plastered and Portia did make him change out of his original costume but I swear to god he enjoyed prancing around like a lady. Not only that I got some great blackmail pictures out of it, today VP tomorrow President.

This is the one. "Oh now this is comfortable, T." No I choose couches that are gunna be hard so I can't be comfortable at all. If I wanted uncomfortable sex I'd do it on a table thanks. "Yeah this is the one, go get your little girlfriend I'm making a purchase." Jude is gunna love this.

I am waltzing into the studio with a swagger. And this is not just any swagger, it is the real swagger that means only one thing - I have won. That is right Kwest pulled some strings and yesterday Sadie and him brought in Jude's new couch. So now I am in the studio and I am just waiting for Jude to come running up to me and being all ecstatic over her new couch cause let's face it I shelled out a few grand for her damn couch and she should be.

Did I mention that the intern that replaced intern is a guy. Yeah for some reason I think Jude had something to do with that, eh well wave to him anyway cause I'm back. Things will be normal with me and her. We will joke. We will laugh. And we will get ass. I will no longer be going through bunches of bananas faster than smokers go through packs of cigarettes.

"Good morning Sadie," she responds not by saying good morning Tommy my sister's new fuck buddy, no not at all. She responds by laughing at me and get this, scoffing. I could have sworn Kwest said she liked the couch, wanted it for herself. I feel like I'm missing something. "Uh Mr. Quincy maintenance is extension 728." "Um thanks?"

What the . . . . "Fuck!" Here in my office lay the remains of what used to be the pillows of Jude's brand freaking new couch. There's feathers everywhere. God dammit! Look at this mess! You've got the be fucking kidding me. What the hell is her problem?! She reeked havoc on everything. I may be a catastrophe but my office shouldn't. "JUDE HARRISON!!!"


	27. It All Makes Sense

Chapter 26: It All Makes Sense 

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"Jude Harrison! Get your ass in my office!" I don't care if I sound like a freaking teacher or pissed of parent she is gunna pay for this. I am Tom Quincy I do not let women tear me down. I freaking took enough care to pick out a damn couch she would like and she has the nerve to treat it like this? Fuck no. Sadie's still freaking laughing, I'll give her something to really laugh about when I tar her ass and then put theses feathers on her.

Dammit where is that girl. There, screw it I'm gunna commit "sexual harassment." I yank her by the arm and drag her into my office. And although she's pushing against me I feel nothing but rage. Fuck sex I just want to scream at her. And although I know everyone is gunna hear basically every word said even if I had a door it stills pisses me off that I can't slam my door shut. Fucking Darius, that drag queen dictator. "What the hell is your problem?!" That's right be blunt and to the point ask her why she's so god damn insane.

"I don't have one, but it looks like you do. Cock fight in your office Tom?" "Could try acting like an adult for once." Oh she looks pissed, good cause she deserves it. "I'm the juvenile? Me juvenile? Please you're the one who couldn't even be grown up enough to keep it in his pants on the job." I was not you're boyfriend, don't you get it. We had no connection other than atrist-producer and friends. We were nothing romantically. I shouldn't be punished for screwing her.

"Fine Jude, you caught me with my pants down, congratulations I fucked up." Note the sarcasm there people. "That's right you fucked up so be prepared to pay." What the hell does she think the couch was my spin on Hallmark's warm wishes? "I did pay, I paid a few freaking grand for the couch." I say as I pick up the feathers and throw them in the air. I know this looks ridiculous and I know people are starring at me but right now I feel like I'm gunna start laughing like a mad man. Laughing till I completely lose my mind. She's making me lose my mind.

"You really are as stupid as they say you are, aren't you?" I'm not a fucking idiot! God damn I have a job, I'm rich, I'm literate and sometimes I even have a pretty damn good vocabulary. Why is my intelligence even being called into this? "Excuse me for not being fluent in fucking psycho!" "It's a hell of a lot easier to learn than slut!" Please, "Cause it's not like you haven't called me that hundreds of times already. If I'm such a man whore why do you even bother with me?"

She actually looks contemplative for a minute, "I don't know," she says rather softly. As a matter of fact so softly that I hear people behind us asking what she said. I can only stare at her. Her face is flushed from agitation and fury. Her hair's wild and her breathing's heavy. Her eyes have this unique blue to them that I've never seen before. Oh god it makes sense.

I need to get out of here, "Just clean this up and . . . . just clean it up for now." She just kinda nods her head but I don't stick around for any more affirmation. I stumble out of my office and I feel all them starring at me. I'm glad you all could get your fucking dose of entertainment from us. Sorry if it wasn't fulfilling enough for you. As soon as I reach studio C, I collapse into a chair.

It all makes freaking sense. How have I missed it all this time? She's always been fighting for me. While I fuck around and screw up our relationship all the time she puts up with it. I want her to believe in me for no reason at all. I want her to have faith, in me. And she has absolutely no reason to do anything for me at all, especially adhere to my wants. Like I said I'm not her boyfriend, hell I'm not even her fuck buddy. I have no standing, yet she's still standing next to me. This has nothing to do with the couch. She wants me to fight for her, for once.

Maybe I am a freaking idiot. It all seems so damn clear right now. It's been starring me down for, forever. She wanted me to choose her or Sadie. She wanted me to be there for her on her 18th. She wanted me to stand up to Darius in her honor. She's no damsel in distress but she wanted me to be her fucking knight in shining armor. What is wrong with me? I might not always do what I'm supposed to but I haven't left yet, for good anyways. I always come back.

She's fighting, I'm sticking around and the sex is bound to be great after three years of pent up sexual frustration. Why the hell haven't we tried? I'm not diseased and if I could put up with as an annoying a girlfriend as Sadie and not cheat, I'm pretty sure I could handle Jude. And total benefit, sex in the studio no longer just a fantasy. Darius gives me crap I pull out my blackmail. Press says shit, I've been called worse, probably from Jude's mouth in fact. And if it doesn't work . . . well Kwest has already the art of the go between.

I'm seriously gunna go through with this. I'm gunna act on some random ass feelings I can't even express but know are important. I'm standing up and walking out of the room. I'm going to talk to Jude, things are gunna get settled now. I'm throwing out my bananas tonight. I'm here, I'm ready and I'm determined. Walk through that door and it;s the end of an era. She's the only girl that makes me nervous, "Uh Jude ," I look up and she's crying. And I don't know what to do.

"The least you could do is stop starring at me," she mumbles out. And I feel chills coursing through my body cause I've done it again. I've made her cry yet again. "What is your sick infatuation with looking at me? Stop it!" I want to touch her and I think I might, "God dammit Quincy are you gloating in your success!?" I never want to make her cry, it just happens. "Jude I never." "Oh god Tommy just leave. I can't deal with you right now. I can't handle this."

For once I listened to her, I turned around and went to leave. At the doorway I shot one last look towards her, she looks pathetic completely knocked down and vulnerable. I have just as much power over her as she has over me. Everything I have with her is in a constant state of jeopardy. I need to prove to her that I'm gunna be hers. I need Kwest.

Of course I find him in hospitality. "Hey can I ask you a question?" He's finishing making his sandwich as he nods his head and looks at me, "I guess so." Here goes nothing, "I figured shit out and now I wanna know how to fix it." See now that makes sense in my mind but he's looking at me like I have Jude coming up form behind me ready to attack. "I want her, how do I get her?" And he laughs, people laugh at me a hell of a lot more than they laugh with me. He looks at me like I'm the dumbest person on the planet, "Man, you need to make the big gesture."


	28. It's the Big Fucking Gesture

Chapter 27: It's The Big Fucking Gesture! 

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Cause I'm like a child, at least in the eyes of Kwest, so I've been told to sit here until I come up with an idea for Jude's big gesture. At least I've moved on past the sit and think about that you've done phase, right? When I asked him to help me think of on all he said was Chasing Liberty. I have no clue what he's talking about of course cause let's face it, he's a nerd. This was confirmed when he pulled out some random Mandy Moore movie or at least started quoting it.

The guy's strange, maybe I should take him out once me and Jude hook up cause I'll lure all the girls in, but he'll get the action. See how much I believe in myself? Everyone should believe in me, because I am going to think of something original and personal and mind blowing. I'm Tom Quincy I can do it . . . . anytime now. 

I could write her a song, but that's so cliché. Not to mention so incredibly emo and she'd probably want me to record it. What if it became our song? It'd end up on the soundtrack of her life, maybe even of the soundtrack of loosing her virginity. You know it'll be a soundtrack cause I'm no minute man. Unlike Spiederman I don't have a nickname due to my inabilities.

Right back into Jude's pants. I could tattoo her name to my arm. Or maybe my ass, so then when I show her, my pants'll be gone and she'll really get a show. I wonder how she would honestly react to me coming on to her in the buff. I think someone would have pink cheeks. That's kinda ridiculous so I'm gunna go with no.

What do I love that I can use to show how much she means to me? My cars, I love my cars. I could get vanity plates that say Jude, now that's romance. That of course would mean changing all my license plates and having my cars even more recognizable to paparazzi. If I wanna make fast get always with her, having her name on the plate may make it pretty hard. Screw that idea.

This is stupid why should I have to prove to her that I actually care. I mean it's not like I've been the one to actually get involved with people. My stuff has been meaningless fucks while she's actually had relationships. Relationships equal feelings. One night stands equal instant gratification. What's missing there? The feelings, cause there are none. She emotionally invested herself in other people, all I did was look for temporary relief. But of course no one would look at it like that, that just proves I'm promiscuous and unable to commit. This sucks why do I have to be original?

It needs to be something insignificant to an outsider but something that really isn't. It has to be something said to me, that was personal and she assumes I forgot, which I probably have. I just gotta think of various important or revealing conversations. There have been a lot of those in three years. She always thought one of the most romantic things was when Adam Sandler serenaded Drew Barrymore in the Wedding Singer on the airplane. Holy shit when this become something that was supposed to be romantic. Shit that's what a big gesture is.

Ok so what of that can I steal without her realizing I'm ripping off one of her favorite movies? The whole singing a song thing has already been eliminated, now all that's left is chasing her across the country in order to stop a marriage. She's not getting married, that I know of, so now it's just Jude on a plane. I still wanna initiate her into the mile high club. That's it.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

A few phone calls, a couple swipes of the credit and one hell of a discussion with Kwest later and I'm done. And I'm smiling like an idiot, I'm actually excited. She's gunna come and I'm gunna give it to her. Oh that was a dirty sentence. Anyway she's gunna love it and flip out and dammit Jude Harrison is gunna loose her virginity. "Man get that stupid smirk off your face, she's a virgin for a reason." Dammit Kwest let me have my fun.

"I'm not thinking about getting into her pants." "Oh I'm so sure of that," he says in that very condescending way that could make a person hit him, me for instance. "Just shut up and get out there, so you can send her straight in here." She's gunna be here any minute I need to make sure she doesn't avoid me though, cause well that's a definite possibility. Before Kwest can even leave the room, there she is. "Um yeah I'll just um go," and he's gone.

"Do you have the master copy of my last song? Darius wants it?" She makes it seems like she needs to inform me that she's here against her will, "I gotta find it, why don't you have a seat?" See that was smooth cause I just gave the master to Darius' secretary a little while ago. I go towards the door and close it and Jude gives me a look, get over it. It's not like I can jump her bones in the studio with huge glass windows and doors.

I rummage through my stuff and I turn and hand her a huge manilla envelope, cause I'm cool like that. "Check that," she rolls her eyes and I pretend go back into searching my stuff, but really I'm sneaking looks at her. She looks confused, "Tommy this is a plane ticket with my name on it," wait for it, "and one with your name on it. What the fuck?"

Ok little harsher language, maybe I should explain, "We always talk about going away together so I figured that we should." Yeah that's right me and you together on a trip, "Quincy you bought us tickets to Europe." She sounds pretty damn incredulous right now, good sign. "Why the hell would you buy us tickets to Europe?" Maybe not. "What do you mean why would I? Me and you away together on a trip . . . together." And they say I'm the dumb one.

"What is this?!" Why the fuck is she yelling, "Jude - they're - tickets - to - Europe." Isn't she the one who told me what they were in the first place? "I know that jackass. What I wanna know is why the hell you got them for us!" I know I look like and idiot now cause I'm jerking my arms around in annoyance but come on what the fuck, "I'm making the 'big gesture'!" There's gotta be something wrong with this if I'm fucking screaming at her.

"So you get us plane tickets?! Are you a freaking moron?!" "Well I must be since I don't understand what the fuck is wrong!" She just starts shaking her head. I hate it when she does that, it's like I'm below her and I'm stupid. I'M NOT STUPID! "Then let me make it nice and simple, buying me plane tickets isn't gunna get you a piece of ass!" She screams at me as she goes to storm out. Hell no, she's not getting the last word, "It would with any other girl!"

"I'm not any other girl you asshole," she says right before she's gone. Dammit she got the god damn last word, like always. I freaking hate that! What art of this isn't he getting? Any other girl I wouldn't care about, I wouldn't . . . . it's not like I'm dragging her around the world to get with other girls. It was gunna be all about me and her. What's bigger than completely devoted 3 weeks to freaking her?! Does she know what I had to go through to get this fucking approved by Darius? Talk about jumping through hoops.

She does not get to turn me fucking down, not like this. Not when I worked do hard to make her happy. She's been talking about going to England for as long as I can fucking remember. She wanted to see the places in her dad's photographs from when she was little. I put actual fucking thought into this. I did this for her, she doesn't get to reject this, me. 

I storm out of the studio just like she did except without slamming the door cause well it's open and I'm not a fucking psychotic drama queen who can't make up her mind. "Sadie where is she?" "She's gone Quincy." No we have work to do, she can't keep throwing these fits, especially when I'm trying to fix things. "Do you realize how much of a stroke you are Tommy? Take the younger sister to the same place you screwed the older one, real original," and she walks away from me.

Are you kidding me?! Seriously!? Did I ask Sadie on the trip? No. Did I pay for it? No. Did I even fucking spend more than 5 days with her? No. I was with her in two whole countries, shit. No one gets this. This is about me, Jude and how much I . . . . just how much I care for her. Cause dammit I do. I hate fighting and I hate this feeling of losing her and not knowing where the fuck she is. I hate it!

You know what that's it, I am going to talk to this girl, now. Back to the fucking studio of doom and expletives. Where is my god damn phone?! Here it is, number two speed dial. She's even my number 2 fucking speed dial, right after voicemail. Ring, ring, another fucking ring, more rings. Why the hell isn't she answering her cell phone?! It's normally attached to her body but dear lord help me if for once I need her to answer the damn thing.

"Hey you've reached Jude. Leave your name, number and a lyrical message after the beep and I may keep you as my friend." "Your fucking voicemail, of course. Look you don't get to reject my big gesture. I thought long and hard about how to make everything up to you. It had to be original and something special to both of us. It had to show that I listen to everything you have ever said. Show you how much you mean to me. Show you that I am in fucking love with you . . . shit" 


	29. You're Bad News

Chapter 28: You're Bad News 

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It's not 1217 or 1605 or 2424 or 0907 or anything I can fucking think of. I even tried 2121 and it's still wrong. Why is it wrong because out of all the damn things she does that expose herself to world and all her emotions she has some crazy ass voicemail password that I can't hack for the fucking life of me. Whatever happened to simple passwords like birthdays? I know my password's simple, real fucking simple, 1234. How much easier can you get than that? I don't really think you can.

I've been trying to hack into her voicemail for over an hour and it's not working. You know what that also means? That also means that I've called her about a hundred times already. And she's shut her phone off. So either she shut it off cause she was really pissed from before and saw me calling and is ignoring me or she heard my message and is now I dunno drinking to get the courage or I dunno drowning her sorrows. This is not good. How many times do I have to be told and tell myself before I realize it? Think before you speak. Cause honestly that just sorta slipped out and well can I love her?

Being in a relationship with her is one thing but to actually ya know say I love her is completely different. I don't think I've said that to another girl other than Portia and we all saw how great that turned out. But say things did turn out like they were supposed to and me and her did have a relationship, eventually she would have expected me to say it . . . .right? I could take it back. I could say it was my last desperate attempt. I could break her heart. It's not like I haven't done it before. What really would be the big difference this time.

Oh right cause I actually want a relationship with her. And why do I want the hassle of all this crap? Seriously getting into a relationship with her is just gunna be this all the time. I have never been unsure of myself, that's just not me. She makes me unsure, why do I want that? Cause you're also the guy who takes risks and what's a bigger risk than being with the girl who puts a healthy fear in you? And not the kind of fear like what am I gunna wake up with tomorrow morning, let's have the local clinic on speed dial.

Ok so what if she knows I love her, it's not like it's insulting or something. Maybe now it'll all turn out like one of those teen movies where the girl gets so happy she screws the guy who said he loves her. Yeah exactly it's just another way for me to get in her pants. That's why I admitted it, no other reason. "Man you called me in here for advice, yet you're not listening to a word I'm saying." Shit that's right, "Sorry Kwest, what were you saying?"

"You admitted you loved her for no reason other than the fact that you love her. Now all you can do is sit back and see if she's ready to finally do the whole relationship thing you two have been dancing around for how many years now." I hate when he simplifies things. Now he's throwing things at me, what the fuck isn't my life not going well enough as is? Do I really need random, possibly lethal, objects being thrown at my face? "Gum?" Ok so I tend to exaggerate when I'm worked up, bite me. "I know you're dying for a cigarette, the gum's for if she shows up before you tend to your breath." This is why he is my wing man.

I'm walking out the door and heading to my office when Liam fucking appears. "Mr. Quincy I do believe you should get back into that studio and have it ready for when Miss Harrison arrives with her new song." Excuse me what, "Jude took off, some personal issue." Liam you do not get to roll your eyes at me like I'm the stupid one you pompous ass, "Yes well Darius informed her rather cordially to get her ass back in the studio and to have a new song along with it." If she was writing a song that would explain the whole let's turn off the phone and make Tommy insane thing.

"Wait a minute that means. . ." "She'll be here any minute," thank you, you smug asshole. There goes my cigarette break. I walk back into studio B and see that Kwest has yet again disappeared. Why is it when I need this guy he's never around. How do I act when she you know, shows up. Do I bring it up? Or do I wait for her to say something? Shit what am I gunna, "Hey." She looks so nervous and she was so quiet when she spoke. She knows, she has to know, cause if she didn't she'd be angrier and not so . . . . I dunno. "Hey." Wow we're really some educated folks aren't we, can't you see it in all our monosyllabic words?

"I'm gunna sing my song and you have to listen because you're my producer." And I wouldn't listen otherwise? "Do you need me to set anything up?" She shakes her head no, "Just sit and listen to me." Now it's my turn to nod my head, she's so damn serious. Is this gunna be her way of turning me down? How do I react when she rejects me? Do I say hey it's ok I just wanted to get in your pants anyway. Or do I like walk out? Do I act pissed? I mean yeah I know I'm gunna be pissed but do I go bitter or do I pretend it really doesn't matter. Oh my god I sound like such a fucking girl. Screw this, I act how I act.

"There's blood in my mouth 'cause I've been biting my tongue all week I keep on talkin' trash but I never say anything," will she ever forget about damn intern? "And the talkin' leads to touchin' and the touchin' leads to sex and then there is no mystery left," does that mean she doesn't want to have sex? What?! NO! "And It's bad news Baby I'm bad news I'm just bad news, bad news, bad news," ok seriously what the fuck does this mean? Is she giving me bad news?

"I know I'm alone if I'm with or without you but just bein' around you offers me another form of relief," I can just imagine the beat with this and some drums too. Dammit turn off the producer for once. "When the loneliness leads to bad dreams and the bad dreams lead me to callin' you and I call you and say 'C'MERE!'," oh so she does want me. "And it's bad news Baby I'm bad news I'm just bad news, bad news, bad news," but it's not good for us?

"Cause you're just damage control for a walking corpse like me - like you," this is gunna be good right? "Cause we'll all be Portions for foxes Yeah we'll all be Portions for foxes," interesting. "There's a pretty young thing in front of you and she's real pretty and she's real into you and then she's sleepin' inside of you," ok so basically I have no fear of commitment only monogamy? I really wish I could understand what the hell was going on.

"And the talkin' leads to touchin' then touchin' leads to sex and then there is no mystery left," but that's why there are numerous positions and things like the kama sutra, so there still is mystery. Has she never heard of spicing up the sex life? "And it's bad news I don't blame you I do the same thing I get lonely too," was that? That was forgiveness. "And you're bad news My friends tell me to leave you That you're bad news, bad news, bad news," but, come on there has to be a but.

"That you're bad news Baby you're bad news and you're bad news Baby you're bad news and you're bad news," I get it we're bad news, star-crossed, whatever you wanna call it. "I don't care I like you and you're bad news I don't care I like you I like you." Like? She likes me. "So I listened." She just nods he head again, what is with the nodding? "Good cause then you'll understand why I couldn't put I love you instead." And I pull the guitar from her hands and put it on the floor and she's in my arms and I'm kissing her. And she's kissing me back. Cause we both just inadvertently admitted we're in love. In love with one another. 


	30. He Ain't A QAF Star

Um this chapter has some explicit content so if you're not mature enough to read this don't and feel free to ask me for the smut free chapter. This story is quickly approaching it's end and I would just like to say thank you to all the people who have been so supportive and dedicated readers. There will be an epilogue after this and that's all. me being the gushy psycho and will blabber adn be stupid but yeah. I really hope this chapter isn't too anticlimatic for everyone, cause I mean honestly this is such a huge romance I've built up with the cynicism and sex jokes and sexual references and all that went with it. Let's not forget the sarcasm. So please if you're not happy with how I spend my free time be sure to tell me. 

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Chapter 29: He Ain't A QAF Star 

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She breaks away as I go to continue kissing her, damn after all the singing she's done you would expect her to be able to hold her breath longer. Ok now she's completely pulling away, breathing hard. "What? What? No more kissing?" She just starts laughing, what the fuck? "No, now we have to talk." What's with girls and their need to talk things out? Seriously talk and strain vocal chords or kiss and begin to experience new and orgasmically good feelings? Feelings that you will never feel without me and my mouth and hands, can't forget my hands.

"Quincy ok so we ya know . . . love one another," can you say awkward? Why is this so weird? "You want me to commit don't you?" She just made one of the ugliest faces, kinda a mixture between shock, confusion, anger and sadness. "What?!" Haha, now I get to be the one to laugh at her. "I'm kidding Jude. From now on when I introduce you, the second thing that comes out of my mouth is Jude. As in my girlfriend Jude, the amazing hot blonde who's about to turn into a nympho." Ow, she punched me. I hope she's not too kinky, cause don't get me wrong I like it interesting, but seriously I get to be the dominate one. Be aggressive, B - E aggressive!

"Ok then Boyfriend, what's our first evening together gunna be like?" I sit down in my chair and get this, she sits on my lap. Jude Harrison, my artist, is sitting in my lap with her arms around my neck. How cool is that? I lay a kiss on her neck and whisper into it, "I think we should stay in tonight." I continue laying kisses till I reach her jaw line. She kinda lets out this little whimper moany thing and I know any resistance that might have been standing between me and her bed tonight is gone.

"Um yeah can we go and uh work on a song at uh my apartment?" Someone wants to get laid by me! Can you hear that sing song voice? "Well you do already have a song finished so I say we jet." She gets a big smile on her face and she leans up and kisses me. She's so warm and soft in my arms, I like it. Her body pressed up against mine, ugh I love that. We need to get out of here, now. "Your car or mine?" She laughs at me cause well I'm anxious and I know it. Why else would I be ushering her out of the studio before she even responds?

"You drive cause I don't trust you with two free hands while I'm driving." She's a hell of a lot smarter than she looks. I kid, I kid . . . . I tap her ass. You know it's all the same. So we're kinda sneaking out of the building right now. Yes I realize that it makes it seem like I am ashamed of her or something but that's not why. Why is Liam. Maybe Jude told Sadie to go give him a quickie in the copy room so we could sneak out. Haha can you imagine photo copied pictures of Liam's ass floating around the studio?

We've officially made it to the back door to the alley, oh how appropriate. I could just throw her against the wall right now and have my way with her. But then again it is her first time. Shit, it's her first time - this could create a problem. Not that I won't meet the expectations, but well with virgins there can be some issues. There can be a little blood, the whole pain thing, if she cries. . . see complications. I could have her orgasm before I actually go in her. Of course then she would be all overly sensitive for me to enter, but it could be a good sensitive I dunno, I'd have to ask a girl.

Either way this has to be one hell of an experience. Her first time should be memorable, and each time after that too. It's only gunna get more fun as we go along. Me and her are gunna have good angry sex, I know it, I can feel, I can see it. Oh I have so many ideas, I can't wait. I feel like a kid in a candy shop, oh so many possibilities! I grab Jude's hand and basically drag her the rest of the way to my car. "Slow down there buddy. I hope you're not always this fast," she says with a wink. "Bite me."

She leans up and kisses me and as I smile against her lips I feel her bite my bottom lip, oh lord where the fuck did I park. "I like literal meanings," she responds with a smile as I stare at her. Biting her lip to hold in her laughter but with her smile, fuck car. CAR WHY HAVE YOU LET ME DOWN! Fuck yes! Here it is, I unlock the doors and Jude goes to the other side, but not before I steal another kiss. God she tastes so sweet.

I contain myself in the car and actually pullout of the parking lot instead of mauling her. I don't think anyone realizes how fucking hard that is. Cause well her fantasy was in my car. Ok shut up not this one but still.

. . . . . . . . . . 

Speeding took on a whole new meaning as I raced through the streets with her hand on my thigh. It was fun I must admit, the stolen kisses at stop lights, friendly gropes and her laughing. I like to live life dangerously, what can I say? And now we're mutually mauling each other in her elevator. bet you any money the security tape gets sold on the internet as the latest Tom Quincy sex tape and Jude's premier. Hmm I'll have to remember to get that from her building security. Slowly let my hand slip down between our bodies, so I can rub what I know for a fact is wet beneath this clothing. Oh god I love it when she purrs. Shows I know how to rub her the right way. She ain't gunna be a genie in a bottle much longer.

Elevator pings and she pulls me out to the hallway. She's fumbling with her keys and I can't help but think how cliché. I do want this to be special, her first time, our first time. Score, she got the door open! She pulls me in by the collar of my shirt nd I kick the door shut behind us. It doesn't seem like we'll be making it to her bedroom. But there's my couch, good thing she shredded those pillows, it's already empty. I throw her down onto the couch and begin to take off my shirt. Hot sex beats romantic sex right?

After my shirts over my head I look down at her with a lopsided smile, only to find she's followed my lead. That nervous girl I once knew isn't in front of me, all I see is a girl with lust and something else in her eyes. What I care about? The lust. Her bra's simple, but that's ok. She didn't know I was gunna have my way with her tonight. I lean over and reconnect our lips, it's been almost two whole minutes since they were connected, far too long. As I slip my tongue into her mouth I position myself on the couch with her, more like on top of her.

I break away form our kiss and begin to multitask. Hands slip to the front of her jeans and begin to fiddle with those as my lips trail kisses along her neck. I let my hand accidentally "slip" and rub her as I slip down the zipper of her jeans. She begins to shift as she moans in pleasure. I kiss my way up to her ear and breathlessly say, "It only gets better." Her nails rake my back as my hands tug at her jeans. Dammit why won't these freaking things come off? Thank god I got a wide couch, I put my knees on either side of her as she shimmies out of the wretched jeans. As those fly to the floor I undo my own jeans. I stand up to completely rid myself of them and that's when I see her.

And I mean I see Jude and she's fucking gorgeous. Yeah she's got a hot body, but they're delicate curves. And yeah I've been with attractive girls, but fuck she's so much more. I crawl back on top of her and I can feel our bodies, skin to skin, damn my boxers are tight. I kiss her again and my hand finds its way to inside her panties. I knew I had gotten her excited but this is just damn near remarkable. I slip a finger inside her just to test her out a bit. Her back arches at the new sensation and it's just so fucking hot. I'm working my finger inside of her and using my other hand to slither underneath her and unhook her bra. 

As soon as I snap it open I slip a second finger in her and elicit a soft scream. Oh I fucking love it! I attack her lips with mine. She's writhing around the cushions and I feel her tightening around me, so I pull my fingers out. But not without brushing against her swollen clit. now she's yelping in pleasurable agony. This is my fucking dream come true. Pants, floor, pocket, condom, score! Before I know what's going on she's slipping my boxers down, I'm slipping a condom on and I'm at her entrance.

"I love you," and for a split second I saw the fear in her eyes but she bucked her hips and well I was ready to go three years ago, so I pushed. And she screamed, shit this is why I don't do virgins. Fuck! Slowly I pull out and push back in. Maybe teenage boys are short for a reason, to lessen the pain of a girl's first time. I can feel her moving to try to get comfortable and I kiss her cause she let me do this. In, out, in, out, slowly moving, but kissing her with as much and passion as I can. Which isn't hard cause she's focusing on my lips or at least trying to.

Time passes and she starts to pick up a rhythm with me. I feel myself building up as I keep pushing into her. I bring my finger down to the junction between our bodies and I push on her clit. She needs the extra stimulation and I refuse to let her leave this experience thinking I can't keep her satisfied. She starts to get really vocal, moaning and whimpering at my touch. I'm pounding into her as I lose all sense of everything except our bodies. And as she tightens around me even more she was I feel it. "JUDE!" "TOMMY!"

I collapse on top on her on this little freaking couch, which we've just christened. In between spurts of breath, "Sorry - it - wasn't more - romantic." Fuck that was hard to get out. She kisses my cheek and whispers, "My boyfriend the sex god." I chuckle at this and slowly pull out of her. I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her close to me as we snuggle on the couch. I'm glad I didn't buy a leather one.


	31. Epilogue

Surreal, that's all I can think. She's splayed out across my chest and her legs are intertwined with mine. And she's soft and warm, oh so fricking warm. After last night and this morning she's gotta look into getting on the pill. Last night also means that I for damn sure won't be getting her a vibrator for her birthday. No bunny foo foo hoppin through Jude's forest. I had sex last night. But I didn't fuck her. I'm not a pussy so I'm not gunna call it love making or some shit like that, but it was much more than your average screw.

Honestly it wasn't too bad, not great, but I know its gunna get better and better cause well next time I won't be tearing away her virginity. Oh father condone me for I have sinned. So I, Tom Quincy, have a girl friend. And her name is Jude Harrison. The media's gunna have a fucking field day. Darius is gunna exploit this for all it's worth. I can already see it, a music video for Portions For Foxes and I can be the bad news. Although it'd be awesome to do the verbal castration song, cause afterwards we can have hot make up sex.

I could be real romantic and go make her breakfast or something, but this is Jude's apartment we're talking about. If she had any actual food I'd be in shock, probably have to take me away in an ambulance. And well it's me, why the fuck would I make her breakfast. I gotta hold out on that romantic shit for when I'm really in need of brownie points or sex. In reality though, aren't all brownie points now gunna add up to sex? Hhmmm I don't know, maybe I'll ask Liam later what he and Sadie, never mind bad images already rolling around in my head.

Ok there is no greater pride a guy can have than when he completely screws a girl into a sex coma, which I did last night. Though honestly it wasn't too hard considering taking her virginity kinda wore her out quickly. But the then subsequent problem that most guys don't think about is that you're not gunna slip into a sex coma. We're all like the energizer bunny. We don't think like hey I had sex now so that means I can hold out till such and such day. We're like fuck that was good, I want more. Feed the mother fucking beast. Now, now, now! Bang, bang, bang!

So here in lies my dilemma Jude's asleep and I want a repeat. Whoops? Is it wrong to ask a girl who lost her virginity the night before to have sex with you again the morning after? Oh I don't know if I can or not. This is too much thinking for me. I only really think about sexual performance, women's bodies, music and that's about it. Anything else that needs concentration like that's too much, hence why I keep Kwest around. Maybe she'll just miraculously wake up and straddle me and because she knows me so freaking well she'll just know its time to play. That'd be the first sign that I've turned her into a sex fiend. Point for the slut!

That's right my scorecard, I forgot about that. Should I deduct points from virgin considering she lost her virginity or should I simply add points to the slut side. God damn I can't even remember who's wining or what the actual score was. The things that you forget when you're in bed with the hot girl of your dreams and fantasies. Holy shit she's the girl of my dreams. And she's blonde and looks so innocent and is like my own personal little minx. I can take her home to mom and buy her stripper aerobics.

She's like a hello kitty vibrator. To the unknowing eye she seems cute, sweet, real innocent. She's something that mom can see and adore. But once you flip that switch (aka I kink her out, my own version of pimping your ride. Thank you very much MTV wishes it could have it as their new show. Playboy, however, could have it as their new hot programming. Get it hot?) she goes fucking crazy. I mean seriously her future is now gunna be packed full of flavored condoms, handcuffs, gels and a hell of a lot of fun. She's gunna become the most relaxed female artist out there. And I'm gunna be one happy guy.

She starts to stir next to me. Her eye lids flutter open with her face clear and glowing. There are some noises coming out of her that I don't know where they're coming from, but they're cute. I pull her closer to me as she smiles all lopsided and ridiculously adorable, "Morning." I feel so light as I smile down at her, "Morning." It doesn't matter whether she's a slut or a virgin, all that matters is that she's mine. I'm Tom Quincy and I just want Jude Harrison, all day, every day, perferably naked and lubed.


End file.
